The Johnstons

Prayers...or lack of them...

2011-09-19T08:34:00.003-05:00

So yesterday at church we had a guest teacher. She grew up in Bulgaria under Communist rule - her parents were preachers/missionaries and her brother grew up to be a preacher as well - all were killed except for her. She spoke tenderly of her mother - a woman poisoned by the police and brought home to die - she spoke of her prayer-filled life of service. Her mother faithfully prayed for 7 years for each of her children before they were conceived after being told she could not get pregnant...she prayed musical talents over her first child (a renowned musician/performer, the speaker yesterday) and the gift of being a pastor over her second child. She filled in at the church, sharing the gospel when her husband was away in prison or worse for being a preacher...she did odd jobs to keep food on the table...and even as she lay dying she told her children not to cry for her because when she closed her eyes in death she would open them and she the beautiful face of Jesus...I could go on...

I think the part that is resonating with me most today is my lack of intentional prayers for the people in my life. I pray, be it sporadically, for my husband and my children...and I do believe that God knows my heart - my dreams for my babies...but as a mom, I have a higher calling to be active in prayer...to be faithfully asking the Lord to provide daily needs and protections...but also to ask him for his will in what lies ahead. I pray for my friends and family - but usually its when a time of need arises, some sort of crisis - rather than consistently coming to God in prayer on their behalf.

But one other thing that she said has completely changed my perspective. She was speaking to changes in our country since she came here in 1981 as a refugee under the Reagan administration. She mentioned the verse that is so well known, "If my people would humble themselves and pray, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear them and heal their land..." All my life, I've pictured praying for the wrongs of our culture...the rampant greed, sexual sin, hunger for power at the expense of others, etc...but yesterday it struck me that God is calling HIS PEOPLE (that would be me) to repent and turn from THEIR wicked ways (those would be MINE) and healing will come...

So while yes, I should be praying the big things...for our leaders, for our communities, etc...I need to be faithfully confessing MY sin, praying intentionally for my family/friends...and continually telling the Lord about how I know I need Him...may I never think that I've got it under control on my own...

Ugh...SERIOUSLY?!?

2011-07-05T18:35:00.002-05:00

Okay. The ugly truth emerges. I have no self discipline. I use food to make myself feel better. I made it from Monday to Thursday without giving in to a craving -

Enter give-in numero uno: taking the kids to see Cars 2 where I subsequently left the movie no less than 6 times for restroom, water, crying, etc. I completely missed the end of the movie. And this was WITH backup - I mean, Justin was there too!! So...I asked him to PUH-LEEZE get me some Milk Duds when he went to get popcorn...but, applaud me here, did NOT ask for a Dr. Pepper. small victory, yes?

Give-in numero dos: Friday...car needs new battery which means I have to take my children to Walmart and WAIT while this is taken care of. Upon arrival, I'm told "It's gonna be a while." I'm all, "really? because I only see one other car and there's NO ONE waiting around..." The response from this very sweet lady was, "uh, yeah, but he's the only one working and he has to do that oil change and then he's gonna go on his break." Break. It's 9:02 a.m. Who the heck gets a break at that time? I mean what time was the start of the shift - 5:30? Fortunately for my sanity, he didn't take a break, was speedy fast and they even gave my kids water bottles to hit each other with...we were outta there by 10:40ish...

but on our drive to run other errands the car was still acting all weird and kind of shaky at stoplights and that makes me panic...but I braved Fiesta because I needed stamps to mail our rent and other things...and we needed juice...so we went...and wouldn't you know it? My baby - my compliant and easy son - throws an all out fit in Fiesta (why do they put BLOWPOPS and BATMAN BALLOONS eye-level and within reach of toddlers at the checkout?!?)...so, we we get what we need (after a mid-aisle detour to the restroom!)...and as I'm snapping at my kids amidst the averted eyes of the other sympathetic parents of little children, I realize DANG IT, I forgot the stamps...so we had to go back in...it was way more awesome than it sounds...so, what did I do after yelling at my kids once they were safely buckled and sweating in their car seats? SONIC RUN, people. Large Dr. Pepper WITH vanilla, thank you very much.

And it pretty much spiraled from there...holiday weekend...homemade ice cream...chips/salsa...hamburgers...you know the drill...some things are pretty clear, in retrospect. I definitely use sweets/comfort food as just that - comfort - from stress, frustration, crankiness, socializing, etc. Giving that up isn't as easy (or even desirable) as I'd hoped...so I'm going to have to start at square one. Maybe even before THAT, by admitting that this actually IS an issue for me. There it is. I will continue to update...

Fighting Cravings...

2011-06-28T09:20:00.002-05:00

So. Yesterday I finally buckled down and fought some of my cravings. No soda - no Dr. Pepper or even diet Dr. Pepper. No sweets...this one was hard for me...I did oatmeal for breakfast, sandwich and fruit for lunch, banana for snack, chicken stir fry for dinner...I started to get a headache early evening...but I expected that...

So this morning? I'm cranky. I'm drinking coffee...but what I really want is a dr. pepper and some donut holes. The awesome part is that it's not even 9:30 and I'm already fighting some serious parenting battles too...and I'm realizing that this is a trigger for me...I feel like I DESERVE a large Dr. Pepper from Sonic for some of my "troubles." When I type it, it seems really petty and silly, but I swear that's what goes through my mind at some level..."I need a distraction...I need something pleasant...Sonic run, anyone?"

That's where I am this morning. Slightly cranky...feeling a little intimidated by making some serious changes to my eating habits...and annoyed to see my weakness revealed in what I previously thought was just a harmless indulgence...what may be permissible may not be beneficial...

More to come...

Made to Crave update...

2011-06-22T16:12:00.002-05:00

Baaahhhh hahahahahahaaa....

Considerably harder than I thought. Several things that have been revealed to me by reading this book. (I'm on my second read-through now and actually answering the questions)

1. I'm incredibly dependent on food - specific ones - to boost my mood or fit into my routine
2. The thought of making serious changes, despite what others around me choose to do, terrifies me.
3. I'm lazy. I said it. I LIKE Dr. Pepper and sweets and chips/queso.
4. I'm skeptical...praying about my cravings...giving up certain things for good...sigh.

The reality? I'm tired of myself before I even try to start. I need accountability and a plan...I need to seriously lay down my "wants"before the Lord in all of their ugliness and vanity...I want to be healthy and attractive without having to work for it. Too much to ask?

I'll keep you posted...

Made to Crave...

2011-06-07T08:30:00.003-05:00

One of my dearest friends gave me the book Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst...and I'm making my way through it. My plan - read the whole thing through once, just getting my mind/heart open to the topics...then dive back into it slowly, chapter by chapter, answering the difficult questions. Lots of layers there for me that I'm not TOO thrilled about uncovering...

Anyway, I was reading this morning (over a healthy breakfast of oatmeal, fruit and coffee, thank you very much!) and I skimmed this paragraph: "Its so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness. This is where pity parties are held and we all know pity parties demand an abundance of high-calorie delights, eaten and eaten some more. But pity parties are a cruel way to entertain, for they leave behind a deeper emptiness than we started with in the first place." (page 141)

I need to think on this some more - but immediately this speaks to me because quite honestly I've held ALOT of pity parties for myself in recent years...many do involve food/indulging myself in some way, some involve "venting" to friends (which really ends up being me whining and complaining about all the ways my life is not fair or what I envisioned for myself), some involve focusing on people/things around me that I'm envious of, and ALL of them involve lots of focus on ME and little to no focus on things above...

So this is me...I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and make some different choices this summer...I'm trying to uncover some of the roots of my insecurities and pull them out - replacing them with new things in Jesus...and this is a starting point...I'm open to thoughts, suggestions, etc!

Good News!!

2011-03-12T07:17:00.002-06:00

Justin is officially commissioned!! He is a reserve officer with the Liberty County Constable's office. This is good because once you get your law enforcement license in Texas you have two years to get commissioned or you have to start all over...now we don't have to worry about that! Keep praying for a full time law-enforcement job...but definitely a step in the right direction!

My baby boy turned two last Friday - pics to follow soon - but oh my word. I can't believe how much he's grown even just since last year!!

It's SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!! If you could have spent this week in my classroom you'd understand all those exclamation marks. Sigh. Of. Relief.

More to come...

Classic (Peg)

2011-03-05T09:46:00.002-06:00

This is a classic example of me trying to video a sweet moment and then it all falls apart. Prior to me turning on the camera, Lily was reading to Jude and then he was reading what she read. There's a page about brushing teeth, washing faces and brushing hair that particularly made me laugh...the following is what happened when we tried to recreate the magic...classic. And for those of you that don't get the "peg" reference, go to hulu and find the Saturday Night Live sketch with the Target lady and Justin Timberlake as an old lady. She's Peg. It's a reference to that.

Much anticipated update

2011-02-03T10:22:00.006-06:00

Alright, how many times on this thing have I said "I'm gonna be better about posting!!" only to never post again? It's true. I'm the queen of starting with energy/good intentions, only to get sidetracked by the more pressing immediate needs of daily living...so no more bold commitments...I'll do it when I can...and because you love me and I love you, I know you'll understand.

Let's see...where to begin? I'll start with myself, because it's easy. I'm working, teaching 5th grade which is an experience in and of itself. 10 and 11 year olds anyone? Heard of the term pre-teen? Sigh. The upside is that because of my job, I got to participate in this fabulous training in NYC over the summer that made me feel cool and young and academic because I was taking classes at Columbia University and everyone was all hip and New-Yorkish (not sweet but not rude.) It was really enriching and I feel like it made me a better teacher. A down side is that I'm team leader for my team, which I was nervous about to begin with, and if I'm honest about it, I feel like I'm doing an pretty ho-hum job of it...I'm not the most detail-oreinted person. I think I already knew this about myself but now I have no doubt...however my team has extended endless amounts of grace and is to be praised.

Justin is currently working while continuing to apply for a law enforcement job. Truth be told? It would be SO AWESOME if the Lord would see fit to give him a job that is fulfilling and rewarding and exciting. He needs that. He leads worship on Sunday mornings in the Woodlands at a church called Creekside. They are the warmest, most precious people. We have been very blessed by how they've included us in their community even though we live on the other side of America from them. (Okay, so it's 45 minutes but that may as well be the other side of America!)

The kids...oh the kids. Lily just turned 4. Yes, my baby girl. 4. Not a baby. Kills me. She's precocious and creative and sassy and hilarious. She makes the most ridiculous and priceless faces. She's very nurturing to her baby brother. She's mama's little helper, and sometimes I treat her like she's 14 instead of 4. She takes it all in stride and she's a huge blessing. Jude will be 2 in a month. I can hardly believe that...he is chatty and silly. He's currently on a Little Rascals kick (lil lil rackuls, according to him) and his favorite thing to to run around and yell like they do on the movie. He's also quite the snuggle-bug, and of course I will take it while I can get it!! I'll throw in a few pics for kicks...

Much love...Oh, and if you're wondering about the crazy family picture up top? Yes, that is the most successful picture of the 4 of us from Christmas day. Just thought I'd share. ha!

Back...

2010-08-02T20:15:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try to rejoin the blogworld. This summer has been good for me - a time to slow down a little, get some exercise, some sleep and some much needed time to plug in to learning through the Word and thru good teaching. I'm on a tough personal journey of trying to trust in the Lord's goodness, to cast my cares upon Him, and to walk out truth in my life - the reality that it's for me and not just for other people. I'm enjoying my kids...I have needed the slower pace...and yet it all comes to an end after this week. It's back to school time and back to long days and routines...I'm asking the Lord that the things he's been teaching me this summer will extend into the year ahead. May I seek to know him more deeply with every trial and every joy. I'll keep you posted as we move along...

Movin' on Up...

2010-06-05T16:49:00.004-05:00

Hellooo...we are in the throes of the beauty that accompanies MOVING. Sigh. Justin and I ALWAYS say, "we're never doing this again. next time we're hiring movers no matter what the cost." And yet, here we are again. The good news is we're excited about moving into our own place...back on our own feet...I finished everything with school yesterday and summer has officially begun. I'm looking forward to spending some much needed stress-free time with my babies and getting myself refocused on what is important...I'm praying for a restful break...as restful as life is with little ones, anyway!

Justin has applied with a couple of agencies and I'm begging the Lord to open doors for him. He did so well in the academy and is really excited to begin...so please join me in praying that it happens quickly. In the meantime, the Lord has been faithful as always...and we're grateful. Here are some pics of the little monkeys to hold you over until next time...

This picture is classic for many reasons, namely Jude's face...hilarious.

My little cherub racing the other kids to fill her basket with chocolate filled eggs - she's like her mama in this regard...

My precious boy...such an observer...

much delayed update...

2010-05-08T14:23:00.003-05:00

Not sure if anyone even visits this blog anymore, but just in case...A few highlights of what's going on with the Johnstons in no particular order:

*JUSTIN GRADUATED FROM UHD POLICE ACADEMY!!!! He's officially licensed to serve as a peace officer in the state of Texas. Pray for the right job as he's been filling out long applications, interviewing and testing...and may it come quickly.

*We are planning on staying in Katy for the next school year since we're not sure where Justin will be employed...moving out of the parents' house in June.

*I will be staying at Golbow Elementary, taking on the role of 5th grade team leader.

Here's a pic of the fam from Easter weekend - it's the best we could do - these kids are definitely keeping us on our toes as they are both busy and VERY different in terms of what they need and how they operate...pray for wisdom in parenting!!

Lily's 3!

2010-02-07T20:54:00.002-06:00

Lilybug turned 3 a little less than a month ago...I can hardly believe it. She's something else - she's chatty and she doesn't miss a thing. She's got a strong will, a gentle heart and a great laugh. She's energetic, she's sharp and she does everything with a signature that makes her unique - the girl is my heart.

I'm including some updated pics of Jude as well...his update will be in less than a month as he'll be celebrating his first birthday!!

Pics my sister took...she rocks

2009-12-08T20:49:00.002-06:00

Go here to see her new blog...
http://valerie-photography.blogspot.com/

Goodbye for now...

2009-11-28T09:42:00.003-06:00

I've come to a decision. I'm taking a blog break - not that I've been oh so fabulous at keeping up with it...but every time I get online and read blogs, I feel both inspired and deflated all at once. I read great ideas and thought-provoking posts...I see cute ideas for decorating, cooking, crafts, thanksgiving, advent, etc...and then I log off feeling boring, unimaginative and like I'm failing somehow because I'm not like this or that. I do realize that this is a lie...but it gets me every time. As I mentioned in my previous post I'm prone toward the negative, and in this particular area it's getting the best of me. SO...I'm taking a break...I'll be back sometime soon...I'll still post pictures, but that's probably it for a while...

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2009-11-26T21:14:00.004-06:00

I'll be honest. I'm really a "half-empty" kind of girl. In fact, several years ago where I taught we all got to do the Birkman personality profile, and the results put you into different colors...I was in the blue...meaning that when one thing goes wrong I tend to overgeneralize it...I think the example given to me was something like, "if you were to walk out to leave for work and see that you had a flat tire, your first thoughts might be something like 'oh no, I KNEW this was going to be a bad day...I wonder what else is going to go wrong...'" I remember laughing out loud because it was SO TRUE (even if I don't always SHOW that as my reaction!)

Anyway, all of this is to say that my morning got off on the wrong foot today...and all day I've been battling a headache and feeling a little frustrated in general...I've felt...just ugh...but I do know that I have much to be thankful for. My son has this incredibly sweet drooly smile...my daughter bowed her head and prayed before our meal and I got a little catch in my heart as I watched her...I laughed with my sister about silly snl skits - real laughs that make my stomach hurt...my husband has been patient with my moodiness...my parents have been gracious providers...

and really, my lord has been so good. he has filled my life with good - because he is good. i'm working on focusing on this, rather than the things that don't matter.

spiritual amnesia...

2009-11-15T16:19:00.002-06:00

i have decided this is an affliction that i have to battle more than i'd like to admit. often, i am in church, i hear something in a song or scripture that resonates with me. it gets me thinking about how that applies to me, or perhaps it stirs some conviction in my heart, etc. i can even be moved to the point of tears during a sermon or time of worship...and then often before i even make it all the way home the amnesia strikes. the "i really need to spend some time thinking/praying/reading on that" somehow dissolves with the needs of my children, the piles of laundry, the school responsibilities (another post entirely) and the other stresses that happen to be in my personal/family life right now.

if you read the previous post you can tell that this is kind of an ongoing battle for me at the moment...who i want to be and who i am are worlds apart right now.

New photo

2009-11-08T08:47:00.002-06:00

My sister has started to spend more time on her interests with photography...when they were in town we had our little neighbor take a family picture, which is what you see above...don't you love how cooperative lily and jude were? ah, well, at least the rest of us look good!

Help me, working moms

2009-11-08T08:18:00.004-06:00

Okay. This post is a plea for help in time management. Whether you're a mom who works at home or out of the home, if you have small children then your time is not your own.

My current situation is that I'm teaching, I try to leave the house between 7 and 7:15 so that I can leave right after school if possible, which puts me home around 4:30ish. Usually I'm dying for an hour break but I don't have long before my kids go to bed, so I play, feed them dinner, bathe them, etc. Jude goes down at 7:30 and Lily at 8:00. Most nights I do have schoolwork that could be done, and so I have to choose between that, hang out time with Justin, alone time for myself, or trying to see a friend and maintain some kind of social life, time to pray/do bible study...you get the point. And honestly, by the time we put Lily down at 8:00 I'm so tired, I could definitely follow within the hour.

I know I'm not the only one...so how have you found ways to "do it all" that you can suggest? I want to do all things well, and I feel like I need some help to do so...

Halloween Pics

2009-11-05T20:39:00.003-06:00

Okay friends...I've surfaced once again in blogland to put some updated pics of the kiddies out for yall to see...Halloween was fun this year...went up to a church in the neighborhood, taking along Dr. Lily and our little monkey Jude. Why are they so grown up already???

Pumpkin Patch...sort of

2009-10-17T15:36:00.002-05:00

Okay, so the flu has waylaid us this week. Here is our first attempt to do something out of the house...you can see that my children aren't quite back to their normal selves yet...Jude didn't actually have the flu but is fighting sinus infection/ear infection and has three teeth coming in, so he's been a little under the weather too. We might try to get some better pics later but for now...

Haircuts

2009-10-13T10:13:00.001-05:00

Last weekend we ventured to the local salon to get haircuts for the kids...here's a few of the shots we got on our not-so-cooperative old school digital camera:

This is Lily's before shot...she's such a nut...

Getting a haircut is serious business and she can't be bothered with trivialities like smiling or chatting. The girl is focused.

Finally, she begins to relax...and yes, I know it's not all that different. But it's not as crazy as it was, and I'm sorry but I can't bear to cut the curls off just yet. So there. By the way, you can see Jude's "before" hair in the background of this shot if you look closely...but don't look too closely as this was not a day when I dressed cute or applied makeup...wasn't planning on making the pictures!

The trick to cutting a 7 month old's hair is to provide a refreshing beverage with which to distract them from trying to grab the scissors or move their head from side to side. You can have that advice for free, friends.

the kiddies

2009-09-17T17:06:00.004-05:00

These are two of my favorite pics from the summer...my mischievous daughter with a twinkle in her eye and my chubby cheeked boy with his amazing sweetness...i must confess that while i feel we're on the right track and definitely seeing light at the end of the tunnel in this tough year we've been having, i'm still struggling to take things one day at a time and not be overwhelmed by all that is swirling thru my mind at any given minute. i want to be someone who demonstrates grace and peace despite circumstances. i don't want to snap at my children or my husband. i want to laugh more. i want to rest well when i finally hit the pillow at night. these are my simple requests before the lord this season...i will let you know how he moves...

Wedding weekend

2009-09-07T16:32:00.008-05:00

We had a fun weekend in Dallas - a visit with our dear friends Chels and Jesse who GRACIOUSLY babysat for us while we went to some other dear friends' wedding - KJ and Travis...much fun had by all and it was so great to have a night out!

This picture is a recurring event...the 4 of us have been friends for more than 10 years, and at all major events and parties we've taken similar ones...I ADORE these girls.

Okay...

2009-09-01T20:20:00.003-05:00

So, I've been quite absent I know. I've been moving, starting a new job, getting up at night with a teething baby, sitting in endless trainings and staff developments, shopping for affordable professional clothes (ha!), attending new churches, making bottles, filling out paperwork, reading books (namely Miss Nelson is Missing)...you get the drift...let me tell you something! I complained a lot about the craziness that took place when I worked at Yellowstone, but I have never in my life had so many rules and regulations and trainings and such to answer to. The administrative stuff is far more stressful than anything concerning curriculum and teaching...hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get into a good routine, but talk about worn out!! Shout out to all the working moms...it's really a challenge and a lesson in sacrifice of personal desires.

On a lighter note, the kids are doing great. Of course Lily especially is enjoying living with Lovie and Pops since she gets LOADS of attention and affection. I'm thankful for this season and for the quality time my babies are enjoying with my parents...you can't love on them too much, you know?

I'm hoping to get better about updating...and in the meantime I'll leave you with some funny pics of Jude...he is DARLING and sweet just like his big sister...

Quick update

2009-08-30T20:29:00.001-05:00

Helloooooooooo...I haven't had time to think, let alone write about anything of significance in blogland...but I just wanted to say we're alive and well. I hope to get a full update and some pics up some time this week. Check back soon, faithful friends!!

much needed update...

2009-07-24T16:25:00.006-05:00

much has happened since the last post, sorry for being absent in the past weeks. we've been housesitting in katy for my parents for 2 weeks, and then this week stayed in katy as well while i helped to teach a professional development class at neuhaus. during that time we had a fun visit from chelsea, jackson and moses...as well as lots of other fun catch-ups with family and friends.
lily and jackson playing and having a sharing lesson:

updated picture of jude:

in other news...
i've taken a teaching job in katy at golbow elementary - i'll be teaching language arts and science...so yes, we're moving back to the houston area!
i'll write more on this later, but wanted to put the update out there...hope those of you who read this are well...more soon...

early

2009-07-02T06:53:00.003-05:00

6:02 a.m. Lily comes into my room fussing about she can't find her paci

6:04 a.m. Back in bed with Lily next to me sharing my pillow...uncomfortable but determined to go back to sleep

6:12 a.m. almost asleep when Jude wakes up - talking - ready to start the day and have breakfast

6:27 a.m. Loud thud followed by crying as Lily has rolled out of our bed and hit the floor...poor kid

Good morning!

Chatty Cathy...

2009-06-25T20:29:00.003-05:00

So today we braved the heat wave because we absolutely had to check mail, send a fax and go to HEB...and to gear myself up for the workout that it is to take both my kiddos to the grocery store, we ran through Sonic for some refreshing beverages even though we'd missed the happy hour window.

Once inside HEB, Lily felt it necessary to introduce both Jude and me to every person that would give her the time of day, and also let them know that daddy was not with us because he was looking for a job. Also, in case they were wondering she was drinking a sprite and mommy had a dr pepper with vanilla. Oh, and her name is lily grace johnston, she's 2 years old. Yall, I'm not even kidding EVERY person that said hi to her or acknowledged her got this conversation...hilarious.

In other news, my little man has learned how to roll over both ways!! Woo hoo! look how proud he is:

Bullet Points from Julie and Jason's wedding

2009-06-19T12:48:00.003-05:00

I'd like to let you in on the memories of my sister in law's wedding. Some are sweet...some are less so. Enjoy:

~beautiful hotel room looking out on the water in marble falls
~sick baby boy - fever and fussy
~swimming with lily and lovie in the pool after several unsuccessful nap attempts
~justin, me, lily, jude and lovie in one room for the night
~jason (the groom's) parents calling to say they weren't coming for rehearsal dinner but would come up the next day...huh?
~lily throwing a couple of fits at the rehearsal dinner - one that included knocking all of our drinks onto the table, floor and her dress...soon followed by jude's explosive diaper on my mom's only clean shirt for the next day.
~crying a little in the night because jude STILL had a fever and i was sleep deprived and worried about him
~lovely bridal brunch at the horseshoe bay marriott - in love with the omelette lady
~pink plastic roses made out of melted spoons - yes, you read that correctly
~"aunt bal's" arrival and added help with my 2 crazy children
~drive to dairy queen to pick up lunch - the only alone time i had with justin all week - thanks mom and val
~seeing julie when we arrived for pictures - GORGEOUS
~justin and julie (family friend) singing in the ceremony...so sweet
~julie keeping it together as she walked down the aisle
~brent's tenderness in giving julie away
~lily playing in the back of the pavillion during the ceremony
~brent (my father in law) busting a move to mustang sally at the reception - classic!
~dancing with justin at the reception
~lily licking icing off of cupcakes
~having two children with dirty diapers at once at the reception - they have impeccable timing
~passing lily and jude back and forth between my mom, me, val and justin
~justin looking cute in his pink shirt :)
~jason's parents heading back to their room before the reception was over...huh?
~sweet farewells to julie and jason wilner (lily loved the bubbles!)
~passing out in bed around 9:45 that night
~endless packing the next morning and cramming into our car for the drive back
~lovie reading the same books over and over to lily in the backseat
~HOME.

"I want to hold Jude..."

2009-06-19T12:42:00.005-05:00

Lily says this alot. So today, I conceded.
At first he was all, "uh...what in the world?" or maybe he was just practicing his manly, "i'm too cool to smile for the camera" face

and then he decided she was alright, even if she is a little wacky...

Julie's wedding

2009-06-17T07:04:00.006-05:00

My sister in law got married this past weekend in Marble Falls...much to say on the occasion, but until I can organize my thoughts, here are a few pics courtesy of my sister...

some new pics...

2009-06-03T15:45:00.004-05:00

hello all...here are a few new pics of the latest happenings in our lives...spent the weekend in liberty with justin's family and lily experienced crawfish for the first time. wasn't so sure about their pinchers...and then wasn't a huge fan of them as a meal either...also, you'll notice that my children were being especially cooperative when i asked justin to take a picture of us, because i have no pictures of me with them since jude was born...and yes that was 3 months ago...ridiculous...

also, excuse the weird blur on lily's face in this picture, (from a mysterious fingerprint smudge on the camera), but i wanted to let you in on the secret that apparently multiple headbands at once is the way to go in up and coming fashion trends...

faces of jude

2009-05-28T11:05:00.003-05:00

when i don't have anything of interest to say, at least i can post pics of my cute baby...

Country Living

2009-05-24T17:28:00.008-05:00

Living in the farmhouse has been a whole new adventure for us...I'm not a wimp about bugs and such, or all things nature for that matter. I do hate snakes. And as you will see in the post below, there are no pictures of snakes. This is because seeing a slithering line move gracefully through the pond while I sit safely on our front porch is closer than I'd like to get to one. But rumor has it there was one in the bushes next to our steps. Thankfully I never saw it. More on this later...

Here is one of the perks of country life - watching little baby birds peek their heads out and go from this:

to this:

then, there's the unexpected surprise of a huge bull showing up in your front yard. he lived with us for about a week until his owner finally decided to track him down. lily and my sister named him simon. we grew kind of attached to good ole'simon. oh, and simon's owner graciously told us he saw a snake next to our front steps when he came to retrieve his wayward bull. (shudder)

the following, however are visitors that i do not appreciate. the pictures will be self explanatory. especially the pile of bees that we fly swatted out of the window in our bedroom. yes, you read that correctly. prepare to be amazed.

this makes me sad.

2009-05-23T18:47:00.003-05:00

i realize that i don't know this family. i simply watch their life on tv. and i haven't followed this season's show while they're living in their MONSTROSITY of a house. but i have watched in the past and i have found them to be incredibly endearing. okay, so kate barks at john a lot...they have 8 kids, people, and she is about the most type-a person i've ever seen! i have always been impressed by the time they spend together as a family...constantly trying to expose their kids to new experiences, the amount of planning that goes into their outings, their organic meals, their parenting, etc. i teared up when i watched the episode where they renewed their vows in hawaii - kate said to her husband "thank you for marrying me again" and i felt like there was so much behind that statement.

so what's up with all this drama? i don't know what's true and what isn't...i pretty much don't pay attention until it's in people magazine - but i can't even bring myself to read it because it makes my stomach hurt. if john did cheat - it breaks my heart. if he didn't - all the exposure and gossip makes me so sad for their family. i realize that people in the spotlight often get caught up in all the exterior perks and begin to stray from what's important...and i don't really react when hollywood couples don't make it, simply because that's so common...but this one gets me because they were just normal people. i hope they're able to make it work and be a picture of reconciliation to all the viewers that follow their story.

enough writing about the lives of a family that i don't even know. but i have to admit that i'm still sad.

a few words about lovie...

2009-05-21T16:46:00.003-05:00

this is a post to praise my mom - she keeps me grounded when i feel overwhelmed. she speaks with wisdom from a combination of scripture and life experience. she doesn't worry or freak out like i do. she walks confidently and with grace through even the most difficult of circumstances. she is incredibly generous with her time and her resources. she is a servant in every sense of the word. she works hard and fills her time with meaningful things. she loves the lord. she deeply loves her family and friends and demonstrates her love well. she honors and respects my dad. she showers my children with lots of affection. she has spent lots of hours doing bubbles, reading books and chasing after lily. (and shopping at target for cute clothes for lily and jude too!) she has been at the hospital when my babies were born, and cried as she kissed their little cheeks. she is always willing to help when i need it - even during the week that jude was born and she lost her own mother all at once. she drove all the way to brenham to bring lily's beloved giraffe - and then had to drive all the way back again with jude's carseat base that we left in her car and she didn't complain. she has made countless meals for us...and cleaned up countless meals as well! she is thoughtful. she is encouraging. she is exactly how i want to be with my husband and children. i love you mom. thank you so much for all you do. i'm sorry i don't tell you more often how lost i'd be without you.

around our house...

2009-05-19T09:35:00.005-05:00

i think we're all healthy again - well, really it was just lily but it felt like we were all sick because we had to stay home! lily somehow got hand, foot and mouth disease. oh yeah. its a virus that is pretty common in children that causes little blisters on hands, feet, and you guessed it - in her mouth. ouch! she was such a trooper, and in need of reward - that will explain the ice cream in this picture:

jude is still just the sweetest thing ever. he is now officially a thumb sucker. see evidence below:

happy tuesday to you!

my little loves

2009-05-09T09:59:00.004-05:00

saturday morning snuggles

my smiley baby boy

This was written for me. I know it.

2009-05-08T14:47:00.001-05:00

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message translation)

Help me Rhonda.

2009-05-07T08:24:00.002-05:00

Okay fellow mothers. Help me. My 2 year old has a sleeping issue. We try to have her in bed every night by 8:00 because she takes sometimes as long as an hour to go to sleep - likes to get up, gather her toys, play with things, ask for water, etc. etc. etc. Then, you might think to yourself, oh, well she probably sleeps till 8:00 the next morning then! Oh, no maam. She wakes up at 6. or 6:30. Unacceptable. This morning it was 4:50. I put her back in bed. She comes back in at 5:36. I put her back in bed. She begins to wail. I finally (with much frustration, I'll admit) go lay down with her and she falls asleep till 7.

Meanwhile, my chubby little son feels its necessary to still wake up every 3-4 hours in the night to eat. I read on facebook an acquaintance of mine was excited that her baby (2 weeks older than mine) is sleeping for 9 hours at night. WHAT??? So my night last night looked like this: 10:15, in bed. 1:15, feed Jude. 4:20, feed Jude. 4:50, up with Lily. 5:36, up with Lily. 7:00 up for the day. I'm tired. Suggestions, friends??

big girl bed

2009-04-30T07:19:00.003-05:00

i have been feeling guilty about lily's big girl bed since we moved here. we were all "hey we're in a new house now and this is your new bed" but didn't make it cute or exciting. it had plain sheets and a white blanket. blah.

then, this past weekend when my sister was visiting we made a walmart run and found this. are you kidding? walmart? when did you begin to carry cute organic cotton bedding at affordable prices? who knew? so this is lily's new bedding...it makes the big girl bed much more inviting...

some thoughts on submission...

2009-04-27T08:29:00.002-05:00

Last night at our church, our pastors' wives did a teaching on biblical femininity, specifically relating to our identity, marriages and dating/courtship. huge compliments to both of those ladies, as it was really really well done.

It's funny how things that you've heard before somehow hit you differently, or resonate more strongly out of nowhere. A familiar passage of scripture suddenly takes on a deeper meaning for you, a familiar song causes your heart and your eyes to well up with emotion, etc. That's how last night was for me - particularly on the subject of submission. So many good things were said, but this has been rolling in my mind since I left...

Jesus claims equality with God, and yet also has clear subordination to the Father's will...he follows commands, and yet He and the Father are one. In the same way, the willingness to voluntarily subordinate myself to my husband is to take on a characteristic of Christ. To quote from last night, it's a component of the image of God, not a compromise thereof.

The reason this resonated with me is because I know what scripture says about submission and respecting my husband. And for the most part I have no problem with this, as I trust that the Lord knows far more than I do in how he's chosen to structure marriage and the family to reflect his love for us as his people. But there is this little piece of me...this prideful, selfish, "what about me?" piece of me that quietly dislikes submission. Especially when my husband and I are not in agreement on something. Or when I'm tired and I don't feel like being anyone's helper but my own. The list here could go on.

So to be reminded that obedience to the Lord in this area is to be more like Christ was refreshing to me...and liberating...its not an issue of "its not about me so just suck it up and submit/respect" but its an opportunity to grow and mature in my love for the Lord. And this, to me, is freeing.

new pics

2009-04-21T11:04:00.003-05:00

hello...much has been running through my mind lately, some things of depth and some things not so deep...yet i haven't had the umph to sit down and articulate them. so until then (which will be soon) i will post a couple of new pics of the little guy...growing so fast and i'm LOVING his chubby cheeks! and someone please tell me how to rotate these. i will admit that i'm not as computer savvy as i'd like to be!

this is my husband.

2009-04-07T15:07:00.004-05:00

i love my husband. i probably don't tell him often enough...and i think this picture of him is cute. enjoy.

Two unrelated things...

2009-04-06T09:56:00.003-05:00

1. Several people have asked me about the picture in a previous post of Jude in a little red chair...we are using that picture for our birth announcements as soon as I get around to mailing them out...my friends Michael and Debbie Turner are responsible for that and they are fabulous...check out their website linked to the right...

2. Justin is going to work temporarily (like the next 30-40 days) for a friend of a friend in Hempstead. Its not permanent, and its an hourly wage. While this is an answer to prayer in the immediate sense, we still are asking God for a job that will support our family and allow us to get out on our own, despite our gratitude for the generosity of those who have helped us thus far. Please continue to pray.

Waiting...

2009-04-03T07:55:00.002-05:00

If you're reading this, would you please ask the Lord to give Justin a job...and not just any job but one that he'll like and that will provide for all our needs as a family of 4? I could go into all my emotions on this subject, but let's be honest...the reality is that God is sovereign. He knows the needs of my family. I'm not sure what He's doing or why He's having us wait so long and it is taking its toll on me...but we're at the end of ourselves and our resources...we are totally dependent upon His mercy and provision.

Please pray on our behalf.

Oh My Word.

2009-03-30T09:02:00.001-05:00

Saturday evening we were about to have dinner and I told Lily she was going to need to wash her hands first. Justin was fixing her plate, and I was feeding Jude and she quietly slipped off to the restroom. I called out to her asking what she was doing (she can't reach the sink/water/soap by herself) and she came out and triumphantly announced, "I wash my hands in the potty!"

Lovely.

Props to Daddy...

2009-03-27T08:19:00.002-05:00

I'd just like to take a second to give a word of praise about my husband. With Lily, Justin helped alot, but I still always felt like everything was my responsibility. Then when I had to go back to school he kept her by himself at home 3 days a week. I think he'd be okay with me saying that this was really intimidating to him at first...and then he grew to love it, he says.

Anyway, I don't know if it has something to do with Jude being the second baby and not as scary, or what, but Justin has been immensely helpful to me this time around. If Jude won't go back to sleep after that first night time feeding, Justin takes him so I can rest. He gives Lily her bath, brings me water in the middle of the night, prays for me when I'm a hormonal basket case...you get the picture.

I'm thankful for him...and wanted yall to know it too.

the little man

2009-03-19T18:16:00.002-05:00

isn't he dreamy?

A better day...

2009-03-17T07:29:00.002-05:00

After a better night's sleep (thank you, Lord!) and the weather clearing up yesterday, my attitude has also brightened. Sorry for the underlying tone of stress and frustration in my last series of posts.

I got the house cleaned (except for the bathroom because honestly, I don't feel like doing it yet), most of the laundry done, a nice hot shower, and quality time in a rocking chair on the front porch with my kiddos. Justin's aunt Jill and cousin Will came in town to visit, and brought us Mexican food which was especially yummy for some reason...

Anyway, thanks for prayers on our behalf...I think Lily is better and the rest of us seem to have avoided it thus far...

More to come...

Keeps on comin'...

2009-03-15T19:15:00.002-05:00

Do me a favor? Pray health over my house! Lily is sicky - threw up last night and again this afternoon. I hate seeing her feel bad, and I am of course paranoid that the rest of us will get it...maybe this is our last issue before everything begins to fall into place?

Happenings...

2009-03-12T09:55:00.007-05:00

Okay, since Jude officially turned 1 week old yesterday, I thought I'd tell the story of the craziness surrounding his arrival...along with a few pics.

Lets see...we headed into Houston on Tuesday of last week, knowing that we'd probably get checked into the hospital that day or the next. Lily was acting a little sleepy and seemed warm to me, but otherwise fine. At the appt, my doctor said she definitely wanted to induce the next morning given how far along my body was but still wasn't having any contractions. So, Wednesday was to be the big day! Meanwhile, after Lily woke up from her nap she had a fever of about 102...so we made a quick trip to the pediatrician to make sure all was well with her. Good times.

Wednesday morning bright and early Justin and I went to the hospital and got all checked in. I don't know why, but this time around I was such a nervous nellie about everything. They had a really hard time getting my IV in, I cried through my epidural because I was all anxious about it and having horrible contractions at the same time, etc. HOWEVER, Jude made his arrival pretty smoothly at about 1:25 that afternoon after only a 15-20 minute session as opposed to the 2 hours it took to get Lily here, so that was a huge blessing! Family visited and got to meet Jude - Lily wasn't quite sure what to think of him...and I was in shock about officially being a mother of two!

After a couple of days of recovery and lots of fun visits from friends and family, we headed to Katy to recuperate...which was a challenge with all the craziness of family in and out of the house since my grandmother's memorial service was coming up on saturday. All my siblings were in town, as well as people in and out bringing food, flowers, etc. Needless to say it was a bit wild. I was unable to go to the service since I had a 3 day old baby, which is a whole separate post, but then the excitement really kicked in when Lily had to go to the emergency room about 5 minutes after my family got home from the service. She was running to see my mom, tripped and hit her head on the coffee table...fortunately no stitches, just lots of stress for her parents!

Monday after a quick visit to the pediatrician for Jude (he's doing great!) we headed back to Brenham, and my mom came along to help for a couple of days which was HUGE. She mainly took care of Lily and then helped me during the night when Jude wouldn't go back to sleep quickly...just to allow me to try and catch up on a little sleep...she was wonderful!

Now, as I mentioned before I just have to figure out how to do life with 2 kids...get into some sort of routine...and begin to adjust to the fact that I live in Brenham now...lots of big changes all at once. Please continue to pray for a job for Justin, that the Lord would provide all we need...that would relieve a tremendous amount of stress from our adjusting...but you know who's not stressed? These two:

Short update to let you know we're alive...

2009-03-11T11:11:00.003-05:00

Hey friends...all is well...a little bleary eyed and trying to figure out how to entertain a 2 year old while also paying adequate attention to a newborn...I'm wide open to suggestions from those of you who have been here, done this!

We're in Brenham, my mom has been here for two days and is headed back to Katy today so we'll officially be on our own...yikes! Please continue to pray for Justin's job search and all the things I've been mentioning in past posts...

I'll post some pics later today, I promise!

countdown

2009-03-03T15:43:00.000-06:00

yeah, see that 9 on the baby countdown? scratch that and make it a 1. unless things happen on their own tonight, we'll be inducing tomorrow morning...say a prayer!

when it rains...

2009-03-01T16:10:00.003-06:00

So, my Mimi died last night. And it's okay, it really is. She was ready and I know she's all better now...but I can't help but feel a little mad about it. And it's completely selfish and bratty on my part to feel that way. I was already a little stressed about this coming week - am I having a baby or am I not? Logistics, deductibles that we can't pay, anxieties about actually giving birth again, time lost on the job search front if I do have to check into the hospital on Tuesday, etc. And now, I'm wondering if I will be able to attend my grandmother's memorial service. And I just feel like, REALLY??? When is enough enough, Lord? See what I mean? Bratty.

Our pastor has been teaching on the psalms - and today he started a series of teachings on psalms of disorientation. Our passage was psalm 13 and I have never felt like a sermon was more directed at me than today's - go to the website to hear the podcast if you get time. www.christchurchbrenham.org

So that's life in the coming week for us...who knows what it will bring. A heartbreaking goodbye to my Mimi, and hopefully and joyful hello to our little boy as well.

It just keeps on coming...

2009-02-28T07:40:00.003-06:00

So, things are going relatively well. Justin is still looking for a job, so please keep this on your urgent prayer list...there are a couple of things we're hoping will open up on Monday...

We are officially no longer residents of Houston, which hasn't quite hit me yet since I will still be coming back to have a baby any day. And to top it all off, it looks like if I'm not already there having a baby, I'll be coming back to say goodbye to my grandmother, Mimi. She has been slowly making her way home due to Alzheimer's and apparently is in her last days as her body is finally worn out. I have a lot of mixed feelings...relief on her behalf...guilt on mine for not being better about going and sitting with her even though she doesn't know who I am...sadness for myself and my family mostly that we've lost so much of who she is to this disease...she never got to know my daughter, and I know she would have LOVED her. Given the amount of books she read to me, I can only imagine what Lily would have gained from some time tucked under Mimi's arm.

So that is the quick update...I just keep telling myself that on the other side of all this upheaval, daily life will be a breeze, right?

Words I am Clinging to...

2009-02-25T11:34:00.004-06:00

These are the lyrics to a song that moves me every time I listen to it...I posted the video version of it back in July...today they are especially fitting to where I find myself...or honestly, in some moments, what I WANT my heart to say, rather than the fear or worry that so easily takes over...

Words & Music by Brooke Fraser

VERSE I:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE II:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE III:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE IV:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

© 2008 Sony/ ATV Music Publishing Australia (Aust. & NZ only),
Hillsong Publishing (Rest of world)

daydreaming...

2009-02-24T15:25:00.003-06:00

after i have my baby and i get really skinny and in great shape with fabulously toned arms, i want to go out on a fancy date with justin and wear this dress.

and i'll have on cute shoes and my hair will cooperate and be perfectly shiny and justin will fall madly in love with me all over again over a romantic dinner and i'm going to drink wine and eat something delicious and not worry about what the scale will say.

and then my darling children will sleep soundly all through the night all the way until like 9:00 the next morning and will wake up all smiles and kisses.

yes, i will like that day.

provision

2009-02-23T13:48:00.003-06:00

two posts in one day, can you believe it? my co-workers just suprised me with cake, a huge balloon and a $275 gift card to TARGET!!!!! woo hoo!! thank you lord, and sweet ladies of neuhaus education center.

craziness and updates

2009-02-23T09:21:00.002-06:00

okay. long overdue for an update. here's the abbreviated version:

- moved the majority of our stuff into a storage unit in brenham, living in our pastor's farmhouse in chappel hill, about 10 minutes outside of town
- finishing up work this week and then will be officially relocated out of houston...weird. i've started having some sadness about this.
- justin has a couple of promising leads in the job department, two of which he'll be meeting about today...please pray!!
- doctor says i'm progressing well - baby could come anytime between now and march 12...i personally hope he waits at least another week or so...and no, we've not settled on a name yet!
- as a side note, moving while great with child is not fun, but we've been grateful for lots of help from friends and family...and our church has been VERY helpful
- lily has been a CHAMP. thank you lord for a daughter who can roll with the punches!
- please continue to pray for us in the transistion, for financial provision, for a good job(s) for justin, for a smooth delivery of a new baby (AAAH!) and anything else the lord lays on your heart...

timely reminder

2009-02-12T08:55:00.002-06:00

normally i am hard on our local christian radio station...sometimes the cheese factor is just too much for me, to the point that i get agitated and angry...i know i have issues...and yet, if i'm listening to the radio it's usually on that station. however, this morning they were talking with one of the writers of the movie fireproof (or the book that goes with it or something) and people were calling in to comment or ask questions.

one woman said that the lord gave her a vivid picture years ago that has helped her tremendously - she is the passenger in the boat, her husband the captain...but the lord reminded her that he has the river. i have heard countless different ways to illustrate this same point...but for some reason this morning there was a little click in my mind.

i often ask justin (without actually asking out loud) to be the controller and fixer of all things in our lives. frustration comes when he can't...i mean, he's the leader, right? however, rather than reminding me of my role this morning, the visual picture of the river being the lord's gently convicted me that justin is not in control of where our life together rolls...he is simply responsible for following the flow of the river and trusting the one to whom we're both submitted. i pray that i will be more supporting and encouraging to him in the process.

relief

2009-02-09T15:24:00.003-06:00

not much time to blog...much going on (read previous entry if you're wondering what)...but just wanted to brag on my friends for a minute...we had our annual girls weekend at the ranch and i am SO thankful i went despite the chaos of my circumstances. what a refresher! and notice yours truly in the center looking about ready to pop...geez...the camera adds ten pounds, right?

relief

2009-02-09T15:24:00.000-06:00

The details...so far as I know them...

2009-02-03T09:03:00.002-06:00

Okay people...here's your fill in:

We have decided to become a part of a church in Brenham, Tx called Christ Church. (www.christchurchbrenham.com) Justin will be leading worship and will gradually add more to his plate as the church grows. Right now its still pretty small (we had about 45 on Sunday I think.) We do have our own building, its currently being renovated bit by bit, and the vision for it is really exciting. We'd like it to be a venue for other groups to gather - whether artists performing, study groups or other congregations who need a place to meet, etc. Basically we want to have open doors to the community of Brenham and establish a ministry that meets the needs of those around us. We really love the people we've been able to get to know thus far, and feel good about joining in what they've started.

SO...all this means that we need to move to Brenham and that Justin needs a "day job" since I will be at home with our energetic 2 year old and a newborn baby. (If you have connections, feel free to comment!) In the meantime, we will be living in the farmhouse owned by our pastor and his wife, and they've GRACIOUSLY offered for us to stay there as long as we need. Personally, I would like to be in our own space pre-baby, but as you can see from the countdown on the side of the blog, this might not be an option - but who knows. With God, all things are possible, right?!! Thus, the reason for everything happening rather quickly. Brenham isn't a town where you can jump online and do a job search, so the chances of doors opening SOON are a lot better if we're there and making face to face contacts. PLEASE PRAY about this. Being between jobs is scary anytime, but especially with the added demands of a baby and moving to a new place on top of it!

How do I feel about moving? Its mixed...some days I'm super excited about it, mostly because I feel that we're doing what the Lord has asked of us...and other times I start to feel the fears of having to make new friends, not being as close to my deeply appreciated free babysitting (mom and julie), complete change of pace...etc. etc. Brenham is not far away, but it IS far enough away that a "hey let's grab lunch today" or "let's meet at the park and go for a walk" with some of my closest houston pals are no longer easy realities.

How can you pray for us? Pray for financial provision in the transition and the year ahead. Pray for a good job for Justin that meets our needs and is fulfilling to him. Pray that we would become quickly established in relationships - both in our church and in our community. Pray for an affordable home that we can love and share with others. Pray for the details surrounding having a baby in the midst of all this change - for lots and lots of grace.

More to come as it happens...

Mild Panic

2009-02-02T11:43:00.001-06:00

Okay, does the countdown on the side of my blog really say 38 days until my due date? Can we all agree that this is not much time and oh my goodness I haven't washed anything yet, or gone through all my newborn "necessities" or made arrangements for Lily when the time to deliver actually does come, or a million other things that need to get done too?????

Oh, and on top of that we're moving. In two weeks. I'll keep you hanging and write more on that soon...

Happy Monday!

love love love

2009-01-25T16:45:00.004-06:00

i love these girls. do you know why? because all of them woke up early on a cold and cloudy saturday morning that was perfect for sleeping in...put on makeup...drove to a nail salon and set up a table with delicious breakfast, flowers and gifts...and waited for me to arrive, in order to surprise me with a little shower for the baby boy that will join our family in a few short weeks. they are so sneaky! i thought i was meeting lindsay for a pedicure with a christmas giftcard from her mom...and what do you know? some of my nearest and dearest friends were in on the whole thing. and yes, i cried a little. and i don't blame it on the hormones.
i love these girls.

Sick!

2009-01-20T07:18:00.002-06:00

Okay, honestly. Since about 2 weeks before Christmas until now I feel like there is something going on health-wise in my house. It started with Justin who had some sort of virus...like a bad cold...meanwhile Lily had a bad ear infection 2 days before Christmas (when I discovered Walgreens ready clinic - I'm a fan!)...then Lily and I both had milder versions of Justin's virus over Christmas...then Justin started new medication that made him sick to his stomach for about a week solid...and for the past couple of weeks Lily hasn't been sleeping so well at night, which I attributed to teething...but then on the way home from Memorial Park yesterday (while I was in galleria/610 traffic) the poor baby says "mommy, tummy hurt" and then proceeds to start throwing up EVERYWHERE...this continues about every hour until 1:15ish last night...I'm tired. She seems better, thankfully...

Can I get a little prayer for healthy bodies in my house?

Happy Birthday tomorrow, Lily Grace

2009-01-14T10:07:00.007-06:00

Two Years Old. You have been the greatest addition to our lives - far beyond what we could have asked or imagined. You make us laugh, stir our hearts with a crazy mix of affection, responsibility and protectiveness, you bring joy to darker moments, and you definitely keep us busy!

In the last year you have gone from walking, to running, to "hopping" and "hopscotch." You have become incredibly talkative - some of my favorite things you're saying right now are:

"I yyyike it!" or "I yyyyove it!" (I like it, I love it)
"Deeeeyicious!" (Delicious)
"I love you too."
"I ha some gapes" (your dad's personal favorite...I have some grapes)
"dear jesus, food, amen" (your version of saying our thanks for our food...i love it!)
"mommy, stop talking" (not a personal fave but hilarious when you said it for the 1st time)

You still refuse to keep clips or bows in your hair, but you are incredibly girly and nurturing with your dolls, minnie, giraffe, friends....you got bitten at school (AGAIN!) and I asked your teacher if you bite too and she said "No, Lily hugs a lot." You like to make things "all better" and even kissed the table the other day after cleaning up some applesauce you had spilled.

You are quick to stop crying when something doesn't go your way, quick to forgive and get back to playing, and very flexible to go with the flow. You are energized by being around others - like your mama - and at the same time you are fine with playing at home all day (especially if that includes watching Horton Hears a Who or the Disney Channel!)

You love to run to the door yelling "Daddy home!" when you hear Daddy's car pull up in the driveway, and it cracks me up to hear your laughing from the other room as "daddy get you" and tickles you all over...and he recently taught you how to give a big "SMOOCH" which is a new joy to us as well.

Happy birthday baby girl. I can't imagine going through a single day without you.

love,
Mommy

An Answer...

2009-01-13T08:59:00.004-06:00

At the end of my mini-update post yesterday I mentioned wanting to find something to focus on in personal study - I confess that this is an area that has been painfully lacking in the last few months...a time when I really need it to be consistent! Anyway, this morning I had a few minutes to sit and eat a waffle while Lily watched Little Einsteins before the morning rush of getting us both ready and out the door was to commence. I opened my Bible to James and began reading...and these passages jumped out at me (this is from the Message):

" 22-24Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

25But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.

26-27Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."

I felt a sense of the Lord saying, "this is the way, walk in it." Regardless of what topic or book of the Bible or whatever He leads me to, it will be pointless if I hear it and don't act on it. So I'm starting with this. Asking Him for an obedient heart...and that I won't be full of hot air just because I am familiar with scripture having been exposed to it my whole life. May I be quick to listen, thoughtful, and active in DOING what the Word says.

BFFs

2009-01-12T14:12:00.003-06:00

They just don't know it yet...

Mini-Update

2009-01-12T10:59:00.003-06:00

Haven't felt much like writing lately...with the busy-ness of the holidays and the big events around the corner, everything has felt either trivial or would require too much writing for it to make sense!!

So, here's the short version of an update, in no particular order:

1. According to my countdown, I'm due in 59 days. Whoa. And no, we don't have a name yet.

2. We are planning on moving to Brenham. That's what you get for saying, "I could never live in a small town!" (Although, admittedly, Brenham is not TERRIBLY small.) Joining a small church-plant called Christ Church, where Justin will be leading worship and we love it...lots and lots of details need to be worked out first (you know, place to live, day job for Justin, all the logistics of actually MOVING...and hopefully before March!) Praying about raising some monthly support...we'll see.

3. Next year I want to "do Christmas" differently. Maybe one big gift and 2 little gifts for Lily from us. More emphasis on Advent in our home. More intentional stillness and reflection. Less drama.

4. Lily is turning 2 this week!!!!! Unbelieveable...I will write about her on Thursday.

5. My little brother got married this past weekend - so now we're all officially married off! We love our new sister Kristie and are really excited for them - even if they are moving far off to Miami!

6. Asking the Lord what to focus on in personal study...lots of things in my life I'd like to address...not sure which to tackle first...suggestions?

That's all for now...

Tagged - Sort of

2008-12-18T22:37:00.003-06:00

I was reading Lindsay's blog and she tagged whoever reads her blog to do this...so I guess I'm tagged...and since I don't have anything else to do or write about right now, I'll give it a go...

8 TV shows I watch:
1. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - would gladly give this up forever
2. Criminal Minds - but it freaks me out sometimes
3. Top Chef
4. Will and Grace reruns on lifetime
5. Intervention
6. The Office
7. sometimes Reba (to my husband's annoyance)
8. Paula Dean - but I never make her stuff, I just like how she says yall

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Lupe Tortilla
2. Collina's
3. Hungry's
4. Ruggles
5. Pei Wei
6. Freebirds
7. Taste of Texas
8. Pappasitos

8 Things that happened to me today:
1. Woke up and made banana muffins
2. Drove to grandparents house for a visit
3. Almost got run into on the freeway
4. Got a random craving for an egg salad sandwich (pregnancy??)
5. Almost got run into again on the freeway
6. Paid an exterminator to deal with an issue of rats in our attic. Sick.
7. Wrapped family presents
8. Watched almost 3 hours of worthless TV after putting Lily down for the night

8 Things I look forward to:
1. Being able to bend at the waist again
2. New baby in our family
3. Christmas presents next week with Lily and Justin
4. the day we can afford a maid - what, too much to ask??
5. Cold weather...hopefully!
6. a date night with Justin
7. a time when whipping up a fabulous meal is like second nature
8. sleeping in on a Saturday morning

8 Things I wish for:
1. Lily and her brother to genuinely love the Lord
2. a new (or used!) car so we are no longer a one-car family
3. more time to be still and think
4. a heart that is more trusting, less anxious
5. parenting wisdom
6. a comfy glider for baby numero dos
7. new bedding and some grown up bedroom furniture
8. a vacation

8 People I'm tagging to do this...um...feel free to do it...I like to read the answers

My greatest fear...

2008-12-09T11:01:00.003-06:00

Okay, not my greatest but a pretty big one. This is old but it cracks me up!

Rambling thoughts from my drive to work...

2008-12-03T08:57:00.003-06:00

It's the big question floating around right now: What do you want? Throughout the day, I can think of little things that I'd like to have but don't just go out and buy for myself...and I can think of plenty of higher-priced items that are on my wishlist...new furniture, all the essentials for Lily's big girl room, essentials for baby boy, fresh towels and linens - the nice kind...and even though having those things would make me feel good temporarily, that's not what I want either.

So today, I was driving to work with my A/C on because it's 75 degrees here and that's hot for the pregnant girl. I was sitting in traffic, not having a good hair/makeup/outfit day, and listening to KSBJ dj's talk about what you can and can't eat at a Christmas party to watch your weight. (They suggested eating only the whites of deviled eggs because that's only 17 calories - seriously?? what's the fun in that? They also suggested proscuitto wrapped melon balls. gross.)

Anyway, I was about to change the station out of irriation, but then the song O Come O Come Emmanuel came on. It was beautiful...simple, guitar and a sweet voice...not jazzed up or re-done...just the words. And I started feeling a sense of longing - This is not what I was created for...traffic, stress about my hair and what I'm eating, guilt about leaving my daughter with someone else 3 days a week, worry about what we will buy for whom and how to not go into debt doing it, pity for myself about the fact that I'm not all crafty and artsy and making gifts for people while my home is beautifully decorated with Christmas cheer and smelling of cinnamon and peppermint...you get the point...

Jesus came in obedience to the will of his Father. He came that we might have life...and He came quietly, with love and reconciliation as part of His mission. He came to set free the captives...to restore beauty and wholeness...to make things how they were intended to be...and so I'm pleading with Him to help me to focus on those things. To whisper to my heart in my frazzled moments - "this is not your home." And I am asking Him to help me to worship Him with all my heart, regardless of whether or not I get what I think I want. He knows what I need...and will graciously provide it.

Thoughts on thanks...

2008-11-26T10:02:00.003-06:00

So, Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I have yet to make my dishes to contribute to the festivities...yes, the true procrastinator. As a sidenote, I am making a pumpkin cake with whiskey whipped cream that I found on thepioneerwoman.com and it looks fabulous...I will let you know how it turns out!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot this week of what it means to be grateful...and how I'm really not so good at it.

I realize this about myself when something happens that I don't like, and I'm sure you can relate. You know, you're thankful for your health when all of a sudden you feel terrible and have the lovely stomach virus that seems to be hitting everyone's houses. Or you're thankful for financial provision when suddenly money is really tight. Or you're grateful for the days that your child is delightful when you have a day that she's not so delightful...the list continues...

One of my very best friends has been handed a tragedy in the last week. It makes my heart beat faster and my eyes tear up just to write about it. And I have been wrestling with how to be grateful for it. I'm not grateful for it. It makes me sad, and heavy hearted. And yet God has been so gracious to bring thoughts and verses to my mind all week that talk of his mercy, his goodness, "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," and mostly that he is close to the brokenhearted. So while He is always with us, I believe that He is especially close to my friends this week. I believe he sat with them and cried in the hospital room. I believe he sat at the foot of my friend's bed as she tried to sleep, despite her devastated heart. The mental images of Jesus' closeness make me cry all over again because it reveals to me His tenderness...and I am reminded that there will be a day when all things are made right.

So - what to be thankful for? The Lord's mercy, tenderness, compassion. His goodness, perfect love, and his nearness to us. Especially his nearness.

Sigh.

2008-11-15T21:33:00.002-06:00

Isn't she the cutest thing you ever did see?

Decorating Inadequacies

2008-11-08T09:03:00.004-06:00

So yesterday I made (and I use this term loosely) these little bulletin boards for Lily's room to hang her artwork. It was accumulating on our fridge, and we had these little 12 inch cork boards on hand, so I covered them with red/white gingham material and hung them up...but much to my dismay when I went in her room this morning, 3 of the 4 had fallen down. I suppose the adhesive squares aren't so dependable...yet I'd been trying to avoid nailing anything into the wall. Sigh. Attempt at creativity flopped.

Also, I'm at a total loss in terms of preparing for the little guy who will be here in March...I haven't found any affordable boy bedding that I'm in love with...and then there's the accessories to find - matching rug, a glider, etc. Meanwhile, I need to do something about Lily's new room...bedding, furniture, etc. It's overwhelming to me! I see pictures and think, "oh I love that" but somehow can't seem to put that together on my own. Is that a gene I was born without?

And don't even get me started on holiday decorating...the thought gives me the shivers. I love going into people's homes that have touches of the upcoming holiday around - you know, pumpkin spice candles burning, fall rugs or accessories in the kitchen/bathroom...and then I come home and think, "where do I even start?"

Helpful hints anyone?

It's a...

2008-11-04T14:13:00.004-06:00

I realized that I put our ultrasound results on facebook (which, I'm going to confess...I'm not a lover of facebook...I know...gasp...I think it's eh.)

We're having a BOY on or around March 12. I can't believe it!! Please don't ask us if we have a name picked out, the answer to that is no. I'm terrible with boy names. Did I have a girl name all ready to go? You bet! So for now, he's "the little guy" or "baby" in my mind.

We'll keep you posted...but I am excited about possibly purchasing these for his little feet...are they cute or what??

Return to Blogworld

2008-10-28T21:30:00.003-05:00

So, I've paused Law and Order SVU to wait on my husband to come back in the room so we can finish watching it, and while I'm killing time I thought I'd return to the world of blogging. I have some thoughts brewing and things I'll probably write about in the next week or two...but in the meantime I thought I'd post a pic of Lily in one of her silly moments, along with some of my favorite things that she says right now...in no particular order

mommy sit DOWN (with emphatic pointing to the floor)
read it! (more emphatic gestures with whatever random book she's selected)
ummmmm....
yeah (in response to any question asked to her)
hi mommy, miss you! glad! (this means glad to see you)
lu you
i forry (of course this one has to be requested)

Alive and Well...

2008-10-13T15:21:00.002-05:00

We haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I promise. We are one of the 4% of comcast customers that are still without service...meaning no cable and internet...meaning if I have to watch one more tivo-ed episode of pooh or mickey I might collapse...but all is well and we should be up and running soon.

In 10 days we'll know if we're having a boy or a girl so that's an exciting post to look forward to!

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-24T13:46:00.002-05:00

I don't like him. Know why? My house hasn't had power in 2 weeks, the mosquitos are the size of birds, and our kitchen ceiling has water in it and needs to get fixed. BUT, at least I have a house to live in!!! Sorry for being Missing In Action for the past bit...more to come soon....

Perspective

2008-08-19T19:53:00.002-05:00

If you didn't see the Larry King interview with the Chapman family, you need to set aside 30 minutes, get on youtube and watch it. It's in 6 segments. I will only say that I hope to never experience the loss of a child, but should I ever go through a tragedy so deep, I pray that by the time it happens, my faith will be as firm as theirs. It is truly beautiful...

Girly Moment

2008-08-16T19:44:00.002-05:00

Okay...most romantic movies are cute, and there are certain things that pull at my feminine heartstrings, but one of my top favorites of all time is The Notebook. It's on the family channel tonight, and I happened to sit and watch a few minutes of it. Every time I see this movie (which has probably been 8-10 times) I notice something new.

Tonight? There's a scene where Noah takes Allie to an old abandoned plantation home. He tells her he's gonna buy it someday and how he will fix it up. Allie coyly responds, "don't I get any say in this?" Noah says, "do you want a say in it?" And she proceeds to tell him in detail what she wants and makes him promise he'll do it. He quitely promises, with a hint of a smile. And you know what? Years later, when he works on the house, he does EXACTLY as he promised. He remembers the details and gives them to her, knowing she will be pleased.

What girl doesn't love that???? I actually got a little teary watching the scene, and it wasn't even one of the moments with sweet music in the background to really get you going. I'm not even going to blame it on pregnancy and hormones...I'm just secretly a romantic.

That Nicholas Sparks...he must have done extensive research with the women in his life before writing this one...

Some food for thought...

2008-08-12T16:28:00.003-05:00

I read somewhere that when you're pregnant it's common to feel forgetful or "foggy" from time to time as blood flow is highly focused on your baby...brain gets deprived or something. I'm going to claim that! Despite my fogginess, I have had a few thoughts floating around in my mind...and then they run off again when I'm distracted by figuring out what to make for dinner that won't make me gag, what needs to be done around the house, etc.

I've been thinking about the fact that I feel like I'm wasting the time that the Lord has given me. I watch too much T.V. I get frazzled when I have too many things on my schedule, even if those things are good, like volunteering at the pregnancy help center or getting together with friends so our kids can play. And when I come across sites like www.jesussaidlove.com, I feel like even more of a slacker. Serving others doesn't have to be hard, or complicated, or even under the umbrella of an organized ministry that has a board to make its decisions.

How much do I really care about others? I heard a sermon one time that said if we want to know the answer to that, we should get out our checkbook. Ouch. How much do I really care about the suffering of others both here and around the world? Am I really willing to make sacrifices in order to meet needs? My cousin recently put an excerpt of an article on his blog that basically calls people out for being socially conscious on the surface, but not really sacrificing anything when the truth be told. You can check out the whole excerpt/article on his blog (ryan and sam in the margin) but this is the part that's been bouncing around in my mind:

"In other words: it is great when people begin to challenge the status quo as they pursue justice and mercy, but how excited should we be when it is very easy in our society to look, sound, and act radical without it costing anything?"

I'm passionate about urban ministry - I even worked at an inner city school for the last 5 years, but what am I doing to further support the families I have grown to love? I feel strongly about the need for loving ministry to women in crisis, but I only make it to the pregnancy center like once a month. I read a blog regularly of a rescue center in Haiti that is AMAZING, and often read about needs they have, but have I sent anything to them, or donated funds? Nope...I just read the blog, look at the pictures, and grieve...or thank the Lord for the family that runs the center and then feel like they are amazing and I'm not...but I don't move to action. Why don't I?

It's something I'm thinking about....

First Trimester Blues

2008-08-05T18:54:00.003-05:00

What in the world? I don't remember feeling so out of it when I was pregnant with Lily, but then again I didn't have an energetic 18 month old to be responsible for either. I am fine, and I really shouldn't complain. I know lots of people get really sick and throw up all the time...THANK THE LORD I don't have that problem. I mean, I feel sick alot but that's where it ends. It's the lack of energy and motivation that's killing me. I mean today? accomplished nothing. Granted there was the threat of Tropical Storm Edouard (nice name!) which ended up being nothing but some rain...but Lily and I literally did nothing all day. I cleaned the kitchen, took a nap and sat on the couch. It's driving me nuts...but...I do know it will pass...so until then, here's another cute picture of Lily. We took the train ride at the Houston Zoo - fun but SUPER hot!

Mi Preciosa

2008-08-04T08:32:00.003-05:00

This is my little one...at a bridal brunch for Val about a month ago, but this picture makes me laugh...She's a constant source of energy, messes, and abundant hugs and kisses. I love her mucho! Happy Monday....

Supastah

2008-07-29T19:29:00.002-05:00

My sister in law has earned another gold star by her name. She already has many...and has gained many more since Lily was born 18 months ago...but today, she gets the mega star. SO...I'm pregnant again...oh yes! It's true! And we're very excited about this new little one that will be joining our family in March. However, for the time being the little precious is making me feel pretty crummy.

Meanwhile, my lovely Lily is trying to give up her morning nap but then is not taking a fabulous nap in the afternoon and that only gives me an hour to breathe and shower...and whatever else...like REST. So, today, I sent Justin a text telling him I was about to lose it...Lily was so tired she was like climbing the walls hyper and I couldn't do it anymore.

Not long after that, my superstar sister in law Julie calls to say she'd like to do something for me...why don't I let her come get Lily and keep her overnight...she'll bring her back tomorrow afternoon.

My response? Ugly crying and trying to say "thank you" and "okay, I would love that" all at once. Not one of my prettier moments.

So...the good news? I'm with child. The not so good? It's turned me into an emotional mess. Fortunately I know it will soon pass...

THANKS JULIE!!!!

HORRIFIED

2008-07-21T16:14:00.002-05:00

Okay, so WARNING to my friends who read this. If you get a text message from a number you don't recognize, that looks like a forward from someone else, do not open it!!!!

I had an unpleasant surprise of some nasty porno slideshow pictures and after fumbling around for the right button, fortunately got it off my screen after picture number two which was MORE than enough for me. I quickly texted back to the number, something along the lines of "what in the world, do not send stuff like this to my phone! who is this??" and I got a reply of "idk." (i don't know? UGH!)

I know that pornography is rampant, and I don't consider myself to be in the dark about it, but do people seriously forward stuff like that to others like it's nothing? like a "hey, what's up thought you'd enjoy this?" it made my stomach hurt.

Careful out there, people!

made me laugh this morning...

2008-07-16T10:45:00.001-05:00

i like dave barnes' music...and i saw this video on youtube and for some reason it made me giggle this morning...especially his intro where he is explaining his workout on the whiteboard...just watch it...

One Word Answers

2008-07-13T08:05:00.002-05:00

1. Where is your cell phone? countertop
2. Significant other? justin
3. Your hair? bedhead
4. Your mother? joyful
5. Your father? wise
6. Your favorite thing? lily
7. Your dream last night? weird
8. Your favorite drink? dr pepper
9. Your dream/goal? peace
10. Room you're in? den
11. Your hobby? reading
12. Your fear? loss
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? generous
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? introverted
16. Muffins? banana
17. One of your wish list items? furniture
18. Where you grew up? houston
19. What are you wearing? slippers
20. Your pets? Hank
21. Your computer? apple
22. Your life? unpredictable
23. Your mood? rested
24. Missing someone? Val
25. Your car? black
26. Something you're not wearing? rings
27. Favorite store? anthropologie
28. Your summer? relaxing
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. Last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? ???

My new favorite song

2008-07-12T16:37:00.002-05:00

Freedom!

2008-07-11T08:49:00.002-05:00

This is an excerpt out of a book called Fruit of Her Hands. I've not read it, but saw this quoted elsewhere, and it gave me SUCH RELIEF this morning. I need to continue to think about it, but hope it offers encouragement to others of you as well.

A dictionary defines a principle as “a basic truth, general law, or doctrine used as a basis of reasoning or a guide to actions or behavior.”

A Christian woman must learn to think biblically; she must derive her basic principles of living from God’s Word.

A method, in contrast, is “a procedure or way of doing something.” In other words, we use methods to apply our principles.

Sometimes an overzealous allegiance to method will lead to confusion and controversy. Suddenly, pressure is exerted to convince women to join the group and support a particular method. The young Christian woman can be made to feel that she isn’t really dedicated unless she adopts “the method.”

We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to biblical principles and in the variety of methods God’s people employ. If we become overzealous for conformity to our method, strife between Christians will commonly result.

“Be at peace among yourselves.” (1 Thess. 5:12-13)

In a godly Christian home, the methods should be the result of the husband’s teaching and convictions with the wife’s support and help.

I often feel like maybe I'm doing things "wrong" with Lily. I let her have a pacifier when she sleeps, and in the car. Some people are opposed to "pacis." I let her eat Mac and Cheese sometimes, and even the occasional Fruit Loop. Some people give strictly organic foods and things that are not processed. I had to work part time, and so she was in daycare two days a week...I'm not planning on homeschooling...I haven't done a "mommy and me swim class." You get the picture.

These are all methods. And I'm under the authority of the Lord concerning how I parent Lily. Am I called to be engaged and active? yes. Am I called to be her authority? yes. Am I called to make healthy choices for her until she can make them herself? yes. Am I responsible for learning and thinking and praying concerning Lily? yes. The relief comes in knowing that its okay if how it plays out in my home is different from how it plays out in someone else's. I'm a huge victim to comparison (which I'm working on with the Lord!) and so it was nice to hear that different from someone I respect/admire doesn't equal wrong.

Praise the Lord for freedom within the confines of his word!

Refreshing

2008-07-06T21:48:00.004-05:00

We had the opportunity to go to Dallas to visit some good friends for the 4th. although, i didn't feel very 4th of julyish because i didn't even dress lily in her flag onesie until the next day, and i didn't watch fireworks or eat a hotdog...but i had the most amazing pulled pork sandwich and corn with chile lime butter...courtesy of our hosts, which was WAY better. and i also had homemade ice cream, and if you know me at all, then you know this is me in my element! anyway, i didn't get on to post about what i ate...

i love chelsea and jesse and their sweet baby jackson. i love being around them because for some reason all my stress and worry melts. sure, it's a distraction to be in a social setting, but there's something deeper - a sense of calm that i have when i'm with them. they plant flowers and work in the yard together, they love to have people in their home, and chelsea doesn't seem to get stressed out by being the hostess, they encourage, they affirm, they help me to see things in new ways...

they love the lord authentically, and from that they love each other well, their baby, their family, their friends...and so i was a recipient of that this weekend.

my prayer is that the same would be true of us...that we would live generously...that we would have an open home...that we would serve well and love well...and that after walking away from us people feel stirred in their affection for the lord.

newlyweds

2008-07-01T15:07:00.005-05:00

I love this one because of the way my little sister is looking at her husband...very sweet

buckle up for some rambling

2008-07-01T14:44:00.003-05:00

So I am beginning to think that I'm a walking contradiction. Okay, not beginning to think...I've thought this about myself for quite awhile. And I don't think I'm alone in it...but I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live with myself...how to live life without feeling guilty all the time for the things I'm not doing the way I want to, or like I'm not as cool as this or that girl, or wishing I'd done this or that differently...

The following is a random list of things I would like to do. Some of them are TOTALLY limited by a lack of funds, and you'll notice that some of them seem to contradict with others...hence, my first sentence. In no particular order

Get a pedicure 2x a month and a massage 1x a month (a girl can dream, right?)

Sponsor a Compassion child in the DR and then go visit him/her yearly

Adopt - no preference from where, really, although I love the DR and Haiti, but am totally open to domestic adoption too as there are TONS of kids who need homes

Be cute and stylish - but age appropriately - and if I'm totally honest, I would want my things to be the "cool" brands. I was scarred by having to wear imitation keds as a child, and now I'm secretly a snob even though most of my closet comes from Target

Get a really rockin' tattoo on the back of my neck - my desire for this faded until recently I saw my cousin and his wife and she has one that is awesome - but she is also definitely in the category of cute and stylish and able to pull it off really well

Be more knowledgeable about healthy/organic eating, maybe plant my own garden, go to the farmer's market instead of the produce section, etc.

Be creative and crafty - making cool wall art or sewing fun clothes for Lily. This one is probably not going to materialize, unless I just copy other people's ideas. I'm not an artist even though I wish I was.

Be deeply involved with a ministry that works with orphans...meaning not only do we help support them but we also take family trips to visit and serve them on a regular basis

Speak fluent spanish

Learn to play the guitar...maybe even sing alongside my husband from time to time, although this one is a challenge for me because I HATE being on stage. It makes my stomach hurt because I care way too much about what people think of me and so I feel like a total boob. But if I could be really cool and sing like Jill Paquette or Bethany Dillon I would so do it.

Always have all the laundry done and put away. ha!

Be a really great hostess - invite people over for dinner 1-2 nights a week. Have fresh flowers on the table and yummy things to offer people, being totally at ease and not stressed by details and timing and clean up

Completely decorate my house - new furniture for our bedroom especially

Buy our own home and no longer rent, but not be stressed out by it at all

Be a part of a community of believers where we feel like we both fit in and have a place to serve well. Somewhere that my gifts are used, as well as Justin's.

Buy this little diamond cross necklace that I've been wanting FOREVER

Be totally debt free and live on only half our income and give the rest away but still be able to buy gifts for people, eat out on dates with my man, and take a fun vacation each summer as a family, along with the above mentioned service trips

Be really good at writing people letters and letting them know I've been thinking about them instead of just saying to myself, "I should write a note to so and so"

Have a cool haircut and be really sporty and in shape, but sexy too...

There are many more...but these are some of the things that bounce around in my mind from day to day....am I a total nut?

Dance Moves, or lack thereof...

2008-06-28T19:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, when does it happen? When are you no longer cool enough to do sassy dance moves out on the dance floor and not feel like a total boob? Val's wedding was today (sidenote - very fun, very sweet, more on that later) and there was a DJ. So you know, in the beginning no one's dancing - they're all eating, talking, etc. But then the DJ switches to more "danceable" songs and the fun should begin. Is it because I'm 30? Is it because I'm a mom now? I mean, I'm not going to star on any of the reality dance shows (even though I do secretly love "So you think you can dance"), but I'm not without rhythm. Today? I felt so white - like I was somehow past the stage where I can do sassy/flirty moves, and all that is left for me is some sort of side to side stepping coordinated with some sort of arm pumping....so sad, really. Because I do love music...and love to move to it...but somehow I feel like I've lost my magic. So sad, so sad.

Mimi

2008-06-24T13:14:00.003-05:00

So today, after taking Lily to the doctor, I talked to my sister. She and mom were on their way to visit Mimi, since she can't come to Val's wedding this weekend. She was at our wedding 3 years ago...but there is NO WAY she could make it to Val's. Mimi has alzheimers. And to be honest, at first the diagnosis didn't shake me up...I mean, Mimi seemed fine to me. So she was a little forgetful, and driving needed to be out of the question...but she was still Mimi. Still laughing, engaging in conversation, etc. I knew it would get worse, but I never spent much time dwelling on what worse would mean.

Mimi lives in a house with 5 or 6 other elderly ladies. They don't all have alzheimers like she does. Mimi sleeps alot. She's very quiet, and thankfully is not angry or difficult - I have heard of people who were once so patient and gentle turning so mean - this is not Mimi. She was curled up in a chair sleeping, Mom and Val were sitting on the floor near her, and all the other ladies were in their chairs or recliners around the room. A sweet older lady named Grace was doing "sit and be fit" moves to tapes that she changed out from song to song - two women were participating - the rest were either sleeping, watching, or in their own worlds. They did a particularly fun exercise with foam balls to Blueberry Hill - a classic. :)

The whole time, Mimi slept. She's so tiny...and really frail. When we left we all said bye to her, kissed her cheeks, etc. I said "Bye Mimi, I love you." and she told me, "okay. I'll be around."

I couldn't help but think about the lives represented in that room that had been confined to old bodies and minds that won't cooperate with them anymore. Some in the room are of realtively healthy bodies, but their minds are struggling. Others, like Ms. Grace with sit and be fit, are only limited by the fact that they don't get around as well as they used to - she was sharp!

What if we could have flashed back 50 or so years? Then they'd be my age, give or take. What if they had been sitting in the same circle, same recliners...but in their 30s? What would they have talked about, laughed about, lamented? I'm sure they would have discussed children and parenting, good recipes or household secrets to getting this or that clean....Maybe they would have talked about the latest gossip at church, or what was new in the lives of their husbands...Most assuredly they would have been more private than we are today with each other...but perhaps more hospitable or lady-like to some degree. But today, they smiled at Lily and cooed about how cute she is. They did their exercises. They waited for their snacks and medecines. They got their physical therapy. And tomorrow will be more of the same.

As Ecclesiastes both encourages us, and admonishes us...let's live our lives fully today. Don't be lazy or complacent. Don't walk in fear. There will come a day, if we live long enough, that our mind or our body (or both!) will no longer cooperate with us. And we will wake up each morning ready for our real home - in the meantime, love deeply and fully. This is a legacy that will live on...and I have been blessed to receive such a legacy from my Mimi.

Summer Fun

2008-06-17T09:59:00.003-05:00

I promise that I do have other things going on besides just hanging out with Lily, but I have to admit that I LOVE not having to go to work right now. I love that I don't feel rushed in the mornings, that I don't have to "hit the ground running" when I hear Lily start to stir around so that I can get the both of us ready and out the door on time. Hanging out in the backyard, playing in the blow up alligator pool that sprays water? Awesome. Taking a nap in the afternoon while Lily does because I feel like it? Amazing. It's made me feel lighter, really. So here's a few new pics, courtesy of my sister...

How time flies...

2008-06-03T20:12:00.004-05:00

So this is a pic of Lily from last June. I CANNOT believe how much she has changed. To me this is a great reminder that time keeps moving forward, and that the Lord can do so much in a short time. Everything has a season, a purpose, meaning...and He makes all things beautiful in His time. Each day gets us closer to the time when we will be perfected, made whole...

If you're in a tough season - hang in there. If you're in season of ease and peace - thank the Lord for it and ask Him to bring it to your mind when you need reassurance down the road. I'm thankful that He has compassion and care for us far beyond we what we even have for our own children - something I cannot begin to understand. Praise Him for His goodness!

No seriously...

2008-06-03T13:06:00.006-05:00

I love my little girl. She cracks me up. Yesterday was our first official day of summer together, and after a crazy morning of errands and napping in the car, she dropped an entire bottle of cocktail sauce on the floor about 10 minutes before we had some friends (crawlers, not walkers!) coming over to play. So what did mommy do? Put her in the highchair with a nilla wafer while I furiously went to town cleaning, sweeping, mopping the mess.

Then, last night we had a minor first aid issue because as I was making dinner I turned around and she had gotten the green bean can out of the trash and then of course cut her finger on it before I could get it out of her hand...all is well, we have a prescription to go pick up in an hour for my peace of mind, but right now she has a bandaid and neosporin and she keeps walking around with her finger in the air saying "all better!"

This morning, I put on her brand new pink converse all-stars, and I said, "Lily, I love them! They look so cool!" She quickly beamed and said "coo!"

And then these, my friends, are 2 of my new fave pics of Lily (courtesy of Jenn) because it is so her...messy hair because we don't like bows (and by we I mean Lily)...pretty blue eyes that I prayed she would have...I love her....and right now she's dancing in front of an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, singing along with her favorite song - the hot dog dance - thank you Lord for the joy in Lily that is contagious...