I wish I would'ves

I recently listened to a sermon series where the pastor was working through Ecclesiastes. In chapter 11:7-8 Solomon talks of the fact that life is to be enjoyed, for we don't know when it will end - and it will end.

Some of us will live to be old...so old that perhaps we even forget how to do simple tasks...or perhaps it will just be that the "keepers of our house" (hands) will tremble more than before. The pastor continued to use the two phrases "I want to's" turning into "I wish I would'ves" and that thought keeps coming back to me.

I want to be a lovely wife to my husband.

I want to be a really godly mom to my daughter.

I want to love people who are poor.

I want to do what is right in the sight of the Lord, and not be so limited by my own understanding.

I want to do things well - not halfway or halfheartedly.

I want to be refreshing to others, not one who takes but never gives in return.

I want to be a good listener.

I want to sing.

I want to adopt...or support families who do...or both.

I want to give generously - not being so distracted by materials that I "need."

Really, I could add and add and add to this list. But it all boils down to the first 4 things - so my task now is to live my life accordingly. Not waiting and saying, "oh next year I'll start that" or "I'm too busy to do that now" or "I don't know HOW to do this or that." How can I be beautiful to Justin TODAY? What can I do with Lily TODAY that shows her how much God loves her? What can I do TODAY to love someone who's poor? Where am I being disobedient, and how can I begin to obey TODAY? The funny thing is, while desires in my heart - my want to's - are really simple...living it out can really be quite complex...or maybe that's not the right word. Maybe it's just that it takes work...and thought...and prayer...and ultimately, action...

speechless

I am praying that God helps me to believe these words - that they would be my heart - and that despite deep disappointment I will trust in Him.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19