Rambling thoughts from my drive to work...

It's the big question floating around right now: What do you want? Throughout the day, I can think of little things that I'd like to have but don't just go out and buy for myself...and I can think of plenty of higher-priced items that are on my wishlist...new furniture, all the essentials for Lily's big girl room, essentials for baby boy, fresh towels and linens - the nice kind...and even though having those things would make me feel good temporarily, that's not what I want either.

So today, I was driving to work with my A/C on because it's 75 degrees here and that's hot for the pregnant girl. I was sitting in traffic, not having a good hair/makeup/outfit day, and listening to KSBJ dj's talk about what you can and can't eat at a Christmas party to watch your weight. (They suggested eating only the whites of deviled eggs because that's only 17 calories - seriously?? what's the fun in that? They also suggested proscuitto wrapped melon balls. gross.)

Anyway, I was about to change the station out of irriation, but then the song O Come O Come Emmanuel came on. It was beautiful...simple, guitar and a sweet voice...not jazzed up or re-done...just the words. And I started feeling a sense of longing - This is not what I was created for...traffic, stress about my hair and what I'm eating, guilt about leaving my daughter with someone else 3 days a week, worry about what we will buy for whom and how to not go into debt doing it, pity for myself about the fact that I'm not all crafty and artsy and making gifts for people while my home is beautifully decorated with Christmas cheer and smelling of cinnamon and peppermint...you get the point...

Jesus came in obedience to the will of his Father. He came that we might have life...and He came quietly, with love and reconciliation as part of His mission. He came to set free the captives...to restore beauty and wholeness...to make things how they were intended to be...and so I'm pleading with Him to help me to focus on those things. To whisper to my heart in my frazzled moments - "this is not your home." And I am asking Him to help me to worship Him with all my heart, regardless of whether or not I get what I think I want. He knows what I need...and will graciously provide it.

Thoughts on thanks...

So, Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I have yet to make my dishes to contribute to the festivities...yes, the true procrastinator. As a sidenote, I am making a pumpkin cake with whiskey whipped cream that I found on thepioneerwoman.com and it looks fabulous...I will let you know how it turns out!

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot this week of what it means to be grateful...and how I'm really not so good at it.

I realize this about myself when something happens that I don't like, and I'm sure you can relate. You know, you're thankful for your health when all of a sudden you feel terrible and have the lovely stomach virus that seems to be hitting everyone's houses. Or you're thankful for financial provision when suddenly money is really tight. Or you're grateful for the days that your child is delightful when you have a day that she's not so delightful...the list continues...

One of my very best friends has been handed a tragedy in the last week. It makes my heart beat faster and my eyes tear up just to write about it. And I have been wrestling with how to be grateful for it. I'm not grateful for it. It makes me sad, and heavy hearted. And yet God has been so gracious to bring thoughts and verses to my mind all week that talk of his mercy, his goodness, "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," and mostly that he is close to the brokenhearted. So while He is always with us, I believe that He is especially close to my friends this week. I believe he sat with them and cried in the hospital room. I believe he sat at the foot of my friend's bed as she tried to sleep, despite her devastated heart. The mental images of Jesus' closeness make me cry all over again because it reveals to me His tenderness...and I am reminded that there will be a day when all things are made right.

So - what to be thankful for? The Lord's mercy, tenderness, compassion. His goodness, perfect love, and his nearness to us. Especially his nearness.

Sigh.

Isn't she the cutest thing you ever did see?

Decorating Inadequacies

So yesterday I made (and I use this term loosely) these little bulletin boards for Lily's room to hang her artwork. It was accumulating on our fridge, and we had these little 12 inch cork boards on hand, so I covered them with red/white gingham material and hung them up...but much to my dismay when I went in her room this morning, 3 of the 4 had fallen down. I suppose the adhesive squares aren't so dependable...yet I'd been trying to avoid nailing anything into the wall. Sigh. Attempt at creativity flopped.

Also, I'm at a total loss in terms of preparing for the little guy who will be here in March...I haven't found any affordable boy bedding that I'm in love with...and then there's the accessories to find - matching rug, a glider, etc. Meanwhile, I need to do something about Lily's new room...bedding, furniture, etc. It's overwhelming to me! I see pictures and think, "oh I love that" but somehow can't seem to put that together on my own. Is that a gene I was born without?

And don't even get me started on holiday decorating...the thought gives me the shivers. I love going into people's homes that have touches of the upcoming holiday around - you know, pumpkin spice candles burning, fall rugs or accessories in the kitchen/bathroom...and then I come home and think, "where do I even start?"

Helpful hints anyone?

It's a...

I realized that I put our ultrasound results on facebook (which, I'm going to confess...I'm not a lover of facebook...I know...gasp...I think it's eh.)

We're having a BOY on or around March 12. I can't believe it!! Please don't ask us if we have a name picked out, the answer to that is no. I'm terrible with boy names. Did I have a girl name all ready to go? You bet! So for now, he's "the little guy" or "baby" in my mind.

We'll keep you posted...but I am excited about possibly purchasing these for his little feet...are they cute or what??

Return to Blogworld

So, I've paused Law and Order SVU to wait on my husband to come back in the room so we can finish watching it, and while I'm killing time I thought I'd return to the world of blogging. I have some thoughts brewing and things I'll probably write about in the next week or two...but in the meantime I thought I'd post a pic of Lily in one of her silly moments, along with some of my favorite things that she says right now...in no particular order

mommy sit DOWN (with emphatic pointing to the floor)
read it! (more emphatic gestures with whatever random book she's selected)
ummmmm....
yeah (in response to any question asked to her)
hi mommy, miss you! glad! (this means glad to see you)
lu you
i forry (of course this one has to be requested)

Alive and Well...

We haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I promise. We are one of the 4% of comcast customers that are still without service...meaning no cable and internet...meaning if I have to watch one more tivo-ed episode of pooh or mickey I might collapse...but all is well and we should be up and running soon.

In 10 days we'll know if we're having a boy or a girl so that's an exciting post to look forward to!