thanksgiving thoughts

it's strange to me how bipolar i can be...i mean, seriously. in one moment i can be bursting with love for someone, or completely enjoying a moment, and then in a flash my mind can go to fretting about this or that...the coming holidays and all the expectations that go along with it...bills to pay...prayers i'm waiting for answers to (and some of those, not so patiently to be honest.) i get snappy with those i love the most (like my husband and baby girl) and my mind begins to spiral about all the things that i wish were different about my life...the lives of those i love...and even the lives of people i've never met - like children who will die today because they don't have clean water or enough food. it's amazing, really...how quickly my mind can take a turn.

i read someone else's blog about thankfulness - and she used the very same story from the new testament that i was teaching to my students this past week. the story where jesus heals ten lepers but only one returns to thank him...the lesson? be like the one who came back with gratitude for the miracle of healing. the reality? i'm a lot more like the other nine.

so, having just turned 30 and in an attempt to accomplish "30 things to do while i'm 30" i am going to put gratitude at the top of the list...everyday i will begin my day thanking god for the blessings he's freely given me - and thanking him for who he is and that he doesn't change. i'm so glad he's not bipolar like me...

here's a few of my things for today: thank you lord, for a warm home to live in on days like today - it's rainy and cold, and yet i'm warm and dry. thank you for family - with all our quirks and differences, i am grateful for people with whom i know i am safe to be myself. thank you lord, for my daughter...for her laugh and her silly faces, and how she wrinkles her nose when our dog hank licks her fingers - but she giggles and goes back for more! thank you that you don't grow impatient with me, you don't get snappy or rude...and nothing is too hard for you.

This too, shall pass....

God has been faithful to make very clear to me one thing...that he is near...He is here. Philipians 4:5 says "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

In every scripture I've read, every encouraging word from friends, it seems to be the theme...and the reason He's having to remind me of this is because I've believed the lie that He's somehow uninterested in the circumstances of my life. I've believed that He is silent. I've believed that He sees my pain but it doesn't move Him to action. I've believed that my suffering is permanent...when the Bible says that everything has it's season. I've believed that for some reason, He must have decided to leave me this way - broken, tired and discouraged. How opposite these things are from His character!

I don't know if anyone reads this besides a few of my friends...but whether this is a reminder to a few or to many, please know that He is faithful. Even when your emotions tell you different. And it's not my job to figure out the "how." I am simply called to trust in the One who knows how.