Type A?

I often think of myself as a type-A personality: I think that means a person who likes to make a list and cross things off the list, with a great sense of relief and accomplishment with each strike-through. I've even gone so far as to put something on the list that I've already done, just so I can cross it off! (Yes, I do realize that's really lame.)

The thing is, though, I also have this other list that's running through my mind...random things that need to be done, a "wishlist" for my house, myself, etc. that I don't ever write down. When I have the thought, or see something that sparks it in my mind, I think "I should start actually writing these things down somewhere..." and then I don't. But the problem is that it's steadily growing. Some of the things on the list are really important - needed to be done yesterday, if you know what I mean - and others are simply dreams of what I would do today if finances weren't an issue, or time weren't an issue, or whatever.

A few of the things that would be written down if I actually sat down and did it:

Make a dentist appointment (yuck)
Clean out the fridge and pantry
Find a new shower curtain, towels and sheets just because I'm tired of what we have
Re-vamp my wardrobe with classics/basics that I can mix/match for the same reason as above
Finally clean out our closet in the study and get rid of everything we never touch
Get the car washed (it's SO BAD!)
Buy furniture for our bedroom that's grown up and coordinated
Landscape the front yard
Research adoption - both domestic and international
Write letters to people instead of emails

You get the idea...it's randomness...but I am wondering if I'm alone in the constant list making in my head....

birthday princess

So after my total downer of a post last night, I wanted to put up something light and happy. So here's a picture of my lovely daughter on her first birthday back in January. This is one of my favorite pictures of her because:

1. cake and icing? fabulous
2. cake and icing all over the hands and face? even better
3. room full of people standing around watching you get cake and icing everywhere? LOVED

She really does make every day fun - thank you, Lord for Lily!

Ugh

Sometimes I just feel ugh. And by ugh, I mean:

Like my days are filled with picking up toys (over and over and over and over),

Cleaning dishes (that seem to multiply on their own in the sink),

Thinking of things to add to the proverbial to-do list that I never actually write down (even though I allow myself to feel plenty of heaviness over the length of the dang thing),

Wishing I were thinner and more fit and more "hip" (as I eat another bite of cookie dough),

Distracting myself with TV, a pointless book, or surfing other peoples' blogs (which then leaves me feeling even less creative and exciting than I did before - unless it's watching Lost - that show, I love!)

Teaching lessons at school that are prepared with mediocrity and feeling sad over the fact that things are not as they once were (and even in moments of calm when I feel that the Spirit is giving me words that I didn't come up with, I can turn around and feel angry at the very 7 year old who needs to know the love of God the most - what IS that?)

Knowing that I have a wonderful husband who loves me (and still finding something to be unhappy about, even if it's petty or selfish)

This whole post is a real downer, I know. But the reason I've avoided writing since like December is because I feel like I have nothing clever or cool to say...and yet, I also know that I am loved by the Lord. Not just in the "for God so loved the world" way, but in a personal way. What keeps me from walking in THIS reality that I am loved as I am right now - not the version of me that is able to fix all the things on the above list? I'll write more on this when I have an answer.