Fighting Cravings...

So. Yesterday I finally buckled down and fought some of my cravings. No soda - no Dr. Pepper or even diet Dr. Pepper. No sweets...this one was hard for me...I did oatmeal for breakfast, sandwich and fruit for lunch, banana for snack, chicken stir fry for dinner...I started to get a headache early evening...but I expected that...

So this morning? I'm cranky. I'm drinking coffee...but what I really want is a dr. pepper and some donut holes. The awesome part is that it's not even 9:30 and I'm already fighting some serious parenting battles too...and I'm realizing that this is a trigger for me...I feel like I DESERVE a large Dr. Pepper from Sonic for some of my "troubles." When I type it, it seems really petty and silly, but I swear that's what goes through my mind at some level..."I need a distraction...I need something pleasant...Sonic run, anyone?"

That's where I am this morning. Slightly cranky...feeling a little intimidated by making some serious changes to my eating habits...and annoyed to see my weakness revealed in what I previously thought was just a harmless indulgence...what may be permissible may not be beneficial...

More to come...

Made to Crave update...

Baaahhhh hahahahahahaaa....

Considerably harder than I thought. Several things that have been revealed to me by reading this book. (I'm on my second read-through now and actually answering the questions)

1. I'm incredibly dependent on food - specific ones - to boost my mood or fit into my routine
2. The thought of making serious changes, despite what others around me choose to do, terrifies me.
3. I'm lazy. I said it. I LIKE Dr. Pepper and sweets and chips/queso.
4. I'm skeptical...praying about my cravings...giving up certain things for good...sigh.

The reality? I'm tired of myself before I even try to start. I need accountability and a plan...I need to seriously lay down my "wants"before the Lord in all of their ugliness and vanity...I want to be healthy and attractive without having to work for it. Too much to ask?

I'll keep you posted...

Made to Crave...

One of my dearest friends gave me the book Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst...and I'm making my way through it. My plan - read the whole thing through once, just getting my mind/heart open to the topics...then dive back into it slowly, chapter by chapter, answering the difficult questions. Lots of layers there for me that I'm not TOO thrilled about uncovering...

Anyway, I was reading this morning (over a healthy breakfast of oatmeal, fruit and coffee, thank you very much!) and I skimmed this paragraph: "Its so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness. This is where pity parties are held and we all know pity parties demand an abundance of high-calorie delights, eaten and eaten some more. But pity parties are a cruel way to entertain, for they leave behind a deeper emptiness than we started with in the first place." (page 141)

I need to think on this some more - but immediately this speaks to me because quite honestly I've held ALOT of pity parties for myself in recent years...many do involve food/indulging myself in some way, some involve "venting" to friends (which really ends up being me whining and complaining about all the ways my life is not fair or what I envisioned for myself), some involve focusing on people/things around me that I'm envious of, and ALL of them involve lots of focus on ME and little to no focus on things above...

So this is me...I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and make some different choices this summer...I'm trying to uncover some of the roots of my insecurities and pull them out - replacing them with new things in Jesus...and this is a starting point...I'm open to thoughts, suggestions, etc!