Deflated

I'm deflated. I'm currently teaching part-time at an inner-city school. It's probably safe to say that what my students are exposed to on a daily basis is quite the norm in other urban settings across our country...

With my 4th graders today, I simply stated that some people don't believe in God, and while that's sad for them it doesn't take away from the fact that God exists in all His glory. They began to give me examples about seeing/experiencing abuse in their homes, addictions, and violence - all from people who don't believe in God. It was sobering...not just the content but the ease and casual way in which they spoke of it...one girl even commented about not seeing what the big deal was about a man beating a woman up. She wasn't kidding.

Then, my little baby 1st graders (and one of my most challenging classes) is studying Moses. To do a quick connect/parallel of how we are like Moses, I said that Moses was born into a scary world, and there are scary things in our world too. "What scares you?" I asked...here is what they said:

"when people get shot right by my house."

"when the crackheads on my grandma's street walk too close to her house"

"when people break in and steal our things, like my Dora TV and DVD."

"the time my grandma left me and my sisters at home and that man had busted in to the house. she told us if he came back again to call 911."

I thank God that as a first grader I knew nothing about these fears...and I grieve for my little ones who already experience them. Please pray for their safety and protection...and that they will grow up to be instruments of change in their communities.

All alone?

ok. i will admit it...when i'm in the car, if i don't have my ipod (which is most of the time because i forget to grab it or charge it) then i listen to christian radio. for some reason when i write that out, i feel like that means i should also be wearing mom jeans, wooden jewelry and cruising in my minivan. is that rude?

anyway, i think this is true of all such stations, but the one where i live is particularly notorious for playing songs over and over and over and over....you get the picture. well, because of this, i've heard a new song lately by point of grace that for some reason pulls on my little emotional strings...maybe it's because i'm a mom now, i don't know. it says things like "wear your red dress...dance with your wife...give your children lots of kisses...etc." reminds me a little of a country song that was popular when i was in college that said "i hope you dance...." talking about walking through life gracefully.

ANYway, I digress. toward the end of the song there's a phrase that says "make peace with god, and make peace with yourself....in the end there's nobody else." and everytime i hear that particular line something in me goes, "What?" i guess i understand what it's trying to say...something to the effect of that when we leave this world we go on our own - it's just a matter of me before the Lord, but then again, something about it doesn't sit right with me. What do you think?

providence

so yesterday, as i was doing my "about me" bit, i had the thought that most of the things in my day to day life strike me more as mundane than exciting. not in a depressing way, but just as how things are right now. then i went to bible study last night...and the word mundane came up.

the teacher used a quote on providence saying that "He attends not only to apparently momentous events and people but also to those that seem both MUNDANE and trivial. Indeed, so all encompassing is God's attention to events within creation that nothing...happens by chance." (from the Illustrated Bible Dictionary.)

While we know that God works in miracles, perhaps there is no bigger miracle that God working through the natural - in my human frailty and in my seemingly normal day to day living. The fact that He is present and at work...seems to me that this means that nothing is mundane - at least not really.

wife, mother, teacher....

it's funny...i never realized how many responsibilities came along with these titles until i had all three of them at once. we've just moved into a house (which has been a HUGE blessing and answer to prayer) which means i've got lots of unpacking and organizing to do. initially this excited me because i love to have things in their places - i'm the type of person that gets excited in the container store and ikea because everything is so orderly! but we've been in our home for two weeks now and the table is still covered with little odds and ends to be put away, nothing hangs on the walls...i still feel unsettled. meanwhile, trying to do a good job at school teaching Bible, figuring out who's taking care of Lily and when...suddenly very normal things seem like huge jobs! my mom always said someday i'd appreciate her when i had children of my own, and while that day came before i had lily, my admiration for her has definitely grown tremendously since then. hopefully the next time i write i'll be a little more grounded....