Rambling thoughts from my drive to work...

It's the big question floating around right now: What do you want? Throughout the day, I can think of little things that I'd like to have but don't just go out and buy for myself...and I can think of plenty of higher-priced items that are on my wishlist...new furniture, all the essentials for Lily's big girl room, essentials for baby boy, fresh towels and linens - the nice kind...and even though having those things would make me feel good temporarily, that's not what I want either.

So today, I was driving to work with my A/C on because it's 75 degrees here and that's hot for the pregnant girl. I was sitting in traffic, not having a good hair/makeup/outfit day, and listening to KSBJ dj's talk about what you can and can't eat at a Christmas party to watch your weight. (They suggested eating only the whites of deviled eggs because that's only 17 calories - seriously?? what's the fun in that? They also suggested proscuitto wrapped melon balls. gross.)

Anyway, I was about to change the station out of irriation, but then the song O Come O Come Emmanuel came on. It was beautiful...simple, guitar and a sweet voice...not jazzed up or re-done...just the words. And I started feeling a sense of longing - This is not what I was created for...traffic, stress about my hair and what I'm eating, guilt about leaving my daughter with someone else 3 days a week, worry about what we will buy for whom and how to not go into debt doing it, pity for myself about the fact that I'm not all crafty and artsy and making gifts for people while my home is beautifully decorated with Christmas cheer and smelling of cinnamon and peppermint...you get the point...

Jesus came in obedience to the will of his Father. He came that we might have life...and He came quietly, with love and reconciliation as part of His mission. He came to set free the captives...to restore beauty and wholeness...to make things how they were intended to be...and so I'm pleading with Him to help me to focus on those things. To whisper to my heart in my frazzled moments - "this is not your home." And I am asking Him to help me to worship Him with all my heart, regardless of whether or not I get what I think I want. He knows what I need...and will graciously provide it.