Would you like fries with that?

Okay, so like my little sister, I am looking for a job. I am leaving Yellowstone Academy (www.yellowstoneacademy.org) and heading out into the unknown.

If you know me, then you know that the unknown and I are not BFFs. In fact I do NOT heart the unknown. Nope, I would rather have a little calendar handed to me with the generals penciled in...you know, like August 15th, start new job at _____.

I recognize that this is partly because I like things to be predictable and safe. I like to know that the details are going to fall into place, and to be completely honest, I would rather not have to bend over backwards to make that happen. It stresses me out.

So. Here's the delimma. I want to work part-time. I want to work two days a week outside of my house and then have the remainder of the hours be flexible - whether that's social or working on something from my home. I don't want to be in a classroom or work directly with kids. Gotta have a break from that. I am passionate about working in 3rd ward or somewhere like it, specifically with women. In fact, I was hoping to create my own little dream job of doing parent liason work at Yellowstone but there isn't money in the budget to pay me for that. Sigh. However, I have to admit that working at Yellowstone has really taken some fire out of me. (that, combined with the stresses of being a new mom, wife, etc.)

So maybe I need to take a step back from the highly service oriented job for a year or so...regroup, refresh....but then what do I do? Work at Chick-fil-a? I mean, I love their waffle fries and diet lemonade...but seriously. Oh, and I have to be able to make enough money for it to be worth it...meaning that I don't want to spend half of what I make on daycare.

I have talked with an organization that would provide a highly social service job in 3rd ward...and I LOVE the man that I would be working under, but the organization has a bit of a reputation for strong vision and poor delegation...which would be a total stress to me. Or, I have talked with another 3rd ward organization about doing some administrative work...which would allow for the stepping back I mentioned, but would it be too much? Would I feel stifled or bored by not having lots of interaction with people? Or, I have emailed an educational organization that is HIGHLY structured and that I'm already very familiar with because I heard through the grapevine that they're wanting to start a part-time position...but I haven't heard back from them yet.

Okay, people. There's the criteria. This is what I have on the table. Give me some clarity...what can I do??

Sixteen Months

Dear Lily,

In two days you will be 16 months old. I am not very good at scrapbooking, taking endless pictures, or the like. I haven't even finished your baby book yet - but I will! Instead I thought I would write you a letter from time to time to let you know how much I love you.

You are spunky and you already have such a mind of your own! When I say "do you need a new diaper?" you say "okay" but then halfway to your room it becomes a game of chase - you swing your arm and go as fast as your little legs can take you in the opposite direction!

You love to sing the "hot dog" song that comes on at the end of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. You walk around singing it all day long, but it sounds more like "Gog gog." Close enough! You can say Mickey, but you call it "Me Mouse" when you put his name together.

Your new favorite word is "airplane" and you point up to the sky saying it, even if there's no airplane in sight. Your Aunt Ju-Ju taught you that word.

Strawberries are one of your favorite foods. I swear you'd eat a whole container of them if I'd let you! You also love pasta, bananas, pears, green beans...and animal cookies!

Yesterday you were giving yourself kisses in the mirror... and each time you would stand up and giggle with your hand over your mouth.

Whenever I am on the floor picking something up (like all the books you pulled off the shelf) you come over and give me a hug wherever you can grab on to me. I LOVE it!

Outside is where you want to be! It doesn't matter if you're just wandering around the backyard with our big hairy dog Hank, pointing out squirrels, going on a walk, or sitting on the front step. You would live outside if I would let you, I think!

You are beautiful. Just beautiful. Everyone says you look so much like Daddy, and you do. But I like to think there's a little bit of me in there too! You have soft soft cheeks and your eyes are a gorgeous blue - not to mention those lashes! You have the sweetest smile and when you're being silly you wrinkle up your nose.

You love to say "Hi mommy" or "Hi daddy" over and over and over. Even if we've been in the same room together for a while, sometimes it just strikes you to say hello anyway.

I love how after we pray at dinner you can't wait to say "MEN!" And you know exactly which book has Jesus on the cover of it - anytime you hear His name you go straight for it.

I love you, little girl. You have blessed me tremendously in the short time you have been in my life. I can't believe that it's already been 1 year and 4 months...and I pray that the Lord would help me to soak up every moment, every laugh, every hug....you are precious to me.

Love,

Mama

Hallelujah

As I mentioned in my random post, I listen to podcasts from the Village church alot. I was looking on their website today to pass time between classes and found the lyric list for some of the songs they sing in worship. I don't know this one, but I love the words. Especially the part about grace for even me. I spend my hours at school teaching my students about God's unfailing love for them and His desire for thier good and abundant life in Christ. And yet I feel weighed down by all my failures...HELLO? That message is for my heart too. His love and grace are for me too! I love how He is faithful to remind me of this in the moments that I need it most.

Wonderful Grace of Jesus

Wonderful grace of Jesus, Greater than all my sin
How can my tongue describe it? Where will its praise begin?
Taking away my burden, setting my spirit free
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me


Wonderful grace of Jesus, deeper than the mighty rolling sea
Higher than the mountain sparkling like a fountain
All sufficient grace for even me
Bigger than my sins, greater than my shame
O magnify the precious name of Jesus
Praise His name! Praise His name! Praise His name!


Wonderful grace of Jesus, reaching to all the lost
By it I have been pardoned, saved to the uttermost
Chains have been torn away, giving me liberty
For the wonderful grace of Jesus, reaches me

Cute Jewelry

I like this stuff...I think they are cuter with more than one child, though, so maybe I'll splurge when baby #2 comes along. (and no, baby #2 is not on the way!)

www.lisaleonardonline.com

happy thursday! (which is like friday to me because I don't work on Friday) :)

Random

i am: annoyed by how much time i waste watching shallow t.v.
i think: i am stronger than i give myself credit for
i know: that i love my daughter so much it hurts
i want: to not worry so much, to live freely and generously
i have: no idea what i'm doing after my job ends in three weeks
i wish: my husband and i were a really cool worship duo like watermark and that i wasn't so terrified of singing in front of people
i hate: when i speak too quickly or too much
i miss: my friends from the dominican republic (and the beach there too. paradise.)
i fear: mediocrity, "i wish i would have's"
i feel: restless...
i hear: the fan in the t.v. room...and nothing else...it's glorious
i smell: lily's "calming" lotion...it smells like my baby
i crave: dr. pepper at least once a day. it's ridiculous, and horrible for me. i know this.
i search: the internet reading blogs of people i don't even know...especially those of people who are adopting children
i wonder: if i will be a good peer counselor when i start volunteering at the 5th ward pregnancy help center next week
i regret: not being better at looking justin in the face and telling him that i'm proud of him
i love: when i'm crouching down picking up lily's things and she takes that as a sign that it's time to hug...she even pats my back...
i ache: when i feel moved in worship, a phrase, a beautiful melody, a truth that i needed to be reminded of
i care: too much about what other people think of me
i always: procrastinate and then get annoyed with myself for it
i am not: creative, but i really wish i was!
i believe: that children are our future. i'm sorry. that was unneccesary...but it's the first thing that came to my mind. can you tell i'm a child of the 80's? but seriously, who didn't love whitney houston back then?
i dance: at weddings
i sing: just about anything in the car by myself or with lily as my audience
i cry: when i feel inadequate or ashamed
i don’t always: wash my face before bed at night
i fight: when i feel tired, threatened or misunderstood
i write: a ton of text messages to my husband
i win: ??? i don't like games.
i lose: nothing...i always seem to know where things are
i never: want to be accused of being fake
i confuse: what i want with what i need
i listen: to podcasts from the village church in dallas whenever i go walking
i can usually be found: at home or at yellowstone academy
i am scared: of getting alzheimers like my mimi someday
i need: to clean out our house and have a garage sale
i am happy about: the fact that justin will be home from the astros game soon